Or at least that's what *I* thought it said. Erm, I don't think anybody's answered the "Who is Sid James" question that came up recently. Well, for all you non-UK people out there, he was a mainstay of the British '60s/70's "Carry On" films, which, incidentally, were also the pieces of cinematic genius that made Barbara Windsor's tits a national institution. He also had the worlds dirtiest laugh. And he got mentioned in a mail that I sent to the list a couple of days ago but didn't seem to get there. It's included below. Have fun, p. ---------||---------- I went on the piss last night. I've now got a hangover the size of Vanessa Feltz's arse, and I'm trying to avoid work. The upshot is that I thought posting would be a good way of doing it. Lucky old you. But there again if Bruce Springsteen ever decided to do an album called Born to Borepeopleshitless, I'd be on the front cover. I'll get on with it then. Love's a funny old game, innit? Just when you think you've got it sussed, and you're feeling like you're on cloud seven (the elevator between there and nine doesn't work, and the bloody council still haven't done anything about it), more often than not your other half decides to pick that time to give you a sharp kick in the emotional gonads and you find yourself deposited sharply back in Singlesland. Which, I always maintain, is a very nice place to drive through, but a crap place to stay. But if rejection and loss and all those other f$%*ing aggravating emotions didn't exist, we wouldn't have half of Belle and Sebastian's output to listen to. So maybe it's not *all* bad. Believe it or not, sex ed at my school was part of the R.E. curriculum. God only knows why, but there you go. If I remember rightly, it consisted of the standard "Family playing frisbee on a beach whilst naked" video, followed by a brief, sterile description of the old in-out in-out, delivered by some grey-haired teaching sort that looked for all the world like he'd never done it in his life. I've yet to work out what frisbee has to do with it all. You can probably use one for masturbation. But only if you've got a bloody good aim. Which brings me quite nicely onto the next paragraph. I'm bloody glad that the topic of wanking has lately reared it's head (so to speak). Especially as applied to females. For ages I have been innately suspicious about all those articles I've read in women's magazines that have been lying about in doctor's surgeries (honest) which perennially claim that most woment don't masturbate. Particularly bad for this type of fallacy (and yes, that is my entry for this year's Eurovision Pun Contest) seems to be Cosmopolitan, which regularly seems to make huge over-assumptions about the number of women who never flick their beans. I mean, it's free, it's jolly good fun, what, and there's no damage done that can't be rectified by swift use of andrex. Why *anyone* would even consider not doing it on a regular basis is beyond me. My ex-girlfriend regularly claimed that it's better than sex. Which isn't all that surprising, considering that it was me she was having sex with at the time. Finally, I've got to say, and this is where the seemingly unrelated-to-anything title came from, that Jeffrey Burke's .signature has to be the best one I've seen in ages, not only due to the fact that it was said by Ziggy Pop ("It's Iggy Pop. And he isn't dead, cause Tommy went to see him when he toured last year"), but also cause of it being sampled by Mogwai on Punk Rock/Pete Waterman/ANTICHRIST. (or, well, "Punk Rock" at least.) Tops. Carry on Wanking*, lol p xx. *Came out in the late 1970's and starred Kenneth Williams, Bernard Bresslaw, Hattie Jaques, Sidney James, Barbara Windsor and Charles Hawtrey. -- -----------------------------*||*-------------------------------- "Reality never seems to work out quite the way you want it to..." Pete Ramsdale - Unix Systems Administration, Warburg Dillon Read Phone: 0171 568 3836 -----------------------------*||*-------------------------------- This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual named. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete this e-mail from your system. 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WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+