Hewwo, Today was my first day of work experience. Oooh fun. Not. I was going to an old folks home, in Rutherglen, and guess what, they'd given me the wrong address. So I arrived at this terraced house, and this woman came to the door with two kids under her arm, and she gave me directions to the right place, which weren't very grate, but I found it in the end. So I got there, and the nurses were all "we were expecting two boys, and your school hasn't sent us a letter". Which made me feel like Anne of Green Gables. So I had to make beds in all the bedrooms, which all smelled of wee, because they're all incontinent. And it wasn't too bad, until I got to this lady called Agnes' room. And she was in bed, sleeping, so this nurse helped her out, but she didn't want to get out, and she was screaming and swearing and throwing her teeth at us, and saying all sorts of really rude and moke-ish things to us (and me especially). And when the nurse tried to help her with her clothes, then she bit her and slapped her. And eventuallly we got her bed made. And the nurse said that that was her in a good mood. So then I cleaned and polished all the rooms, which was moke-ish, because old ladies keep loads of trinkets and stuff on their tables, and I had to dust under all of them. And then I served tea, and biscuits. And had a tea break of my own, when the nurses all showed me scars from where Agnes had bit/scratched them. And then I had to go round the rooms and, well, basically, the people in the home are a little bit doolally, and they mess their drawers and wardrobes up for the hell of it, so you have to empty their drawers out onto the bed, and tidy all their underwear up. So I spent about an hour sifting through incontinence pants. And then, I got to Agnes the Moke's room... So I went in and she was asleep, which was good, and the nurse said it would be ok, for me to be in on my own. So I was quite happy (or as happy as a person can be going through someone elses toilet control underwear), until she woke up. And she was screaming about how the clothes on her bed were for a jumble sale, and when I couldn't think of anything to say, she started screaming at me, from her little chair, about how she cursed me for my youth, and how I prolly thought I was grate and pretty (well, not in those words, she was much meaner), but I wasn't, I was really fat, and ugly (which is kind of ironic, because she really does look like Jabba the Hut, and I'm not just saying that because she was mean to me), and she was calling me all sorts of names, and I was just trying to be polite to her, but that set her off even more, and she started shouting "you're so prim! That's right hen, P-R-I-M! Deaf and stupid! You're all 'sorry' this, and 'pardon' that! Bitch! Whore!" and she went on for a bit. Then she demanded that I take her to the toilet right away. Which I didn't know if I was allowed to do, in case I killed her or something by accident (though, by that time I had a motive, really), and I said that I would just fetch a nurse for her, and she gave me this really sly smile, and said no, and she didn't need after all. Five minutes later, and she called out, "you didn't get me to the toilet in time!" And then she said "I don't like you, I'm going to piss myself now, and it'll be your fault. I'll tell them", and then she did. And I could smell it and everything! So I had to go and get the nurse, and she did blame it on me, but I think the nurse gave me the benifit of the doubt. After that, I had lunch, and then I served lunch to the ladies, and I burnt my hand a couple of times, and I overheard these ladies talking about me and how useless I was, really loudly. Which put me on a downer. And then I got stuck in the kitchen, butter a million slices of bread. Then the head nurse came in and gave me this three foot slab of cheese (no joke), and a teeny little grater, and told me to grate it. And all the nurses ever do is smoke and talk about Stars in their Eyes. And they made me sing. For the old people. And it was bad. So WE wasn't good. Still, only four days to go. I'm really terrified now. I thought that the one good thing about work experience would be escaping the hard kids. Now I'm stuck with 30 hard kids who all wet themselves, and have false teeth. Did I mention that they all managed to get their false teeth all mixed up with each other's? Sorry, about the lack of content. I'm really sorry. I came home and drank out my B&S mug and listened to Tigermilk (and watch star wars), and revelled in the joy of being in a place that didn't hit you with the smell of wee as soon as you walked in the door. I will prolly post again about my newfound Hell on Earth, in the next week. Mmm...John, I'm really sorry I haven't mailed you. I will soon, i promise. I really don't hate you! Hugs, Jen +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+