I wanted my first email to the Sinister List to be one that was heart felt and during an emotional period, when my best writing is often done. instead I'm writing to avoid an essay about a need for more propaganda. My intellectualisation du'jour is that I haven't been sleeping well and my overtired and tarnished brain couldn't hack the essay any longer. I don't know if there's much point in talking about who and where I am, unless I have anything interesting to say you're not going to remember me are you? like that boring bloke at the party who's had too much red wine and jazz gas. Don't know who I mean? Proves my point doesn't it? so, for the first time I have an audience of over thirty for my writing. from what I read, far, far more then thirty in fact. I can feel the butterflies waking up and taking caffeine so they can pester me for a while... the reason I've not been sleeping isn't, unfortunately, from a nymph caressing and pestering after my attention, it is the boring, but glow in the dark question; "why do I keep ending up being bullied?". The most obvious and self-esteem busting answer is I have 'victim' tattooed on my forehead. I guess it must be on my forehead as, if read with the eyes below it reads 'victimise'! I try to be true myself and ignore other people who mock , but I do draw attention to myself wherever I go, by just being me, So I have had beer thrown at me, names shouted at me more recently verbally abused by a friend for the past nine months and I had to resort to doing anything I could to getting him to realise I don't like him and more importantly, what he says. the direct routes just haven't worked. I thought by the time I was twenty this'll all be over, but now, at twenty three I realise I am always going to meet people who get off on putting people down. Do we all meet these people or is it just me? I'm sorry for the teen angst from a twenty-something. I think I may have avoided a lot of this stuff when I was younger and I'm learning the hard way now.. I'm not upset or depressed, but jus disappointed that people don't grow up of bullying So, what do you think? an interesting email? or self-indulgent twaddle? if anyone has any answers to the question of 'Is it just me?' please email me outside the list. if anyone has the meaning of life I'd like to hear that too! :) take care people Neil Wykes P.S. I love reading the stuff you people post! +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+