hello sinister. i wasn't planning on posting again so soon, after my gigantic (albeit probably rather confusing) last post. but today, i am craving the sound of keys typing, and i cannot write enough to satiate the need. i think there is a reason i have chosen sinister to be the victim of my wannabe-literary torture, and it is a small and simple one. today, i crush-voted. this was the second time (hi owen.) i have wiped my plams on the thighs of my faded, cuffed jeans to quell slippery fingers and sent the little, near-empty email body to the elusive miss crush. waited with baited breath for the password. diligently typed in the necessary combination of words and address and pushed send, noting that hotmail sent it off with lightning speed. i have said before that democratic loving is problematic, and perhaps it is. it leaves you feeling suspended, nervous, sending a message of something -- because it is most likely not love, but a liking, an infatuation and an actualization of tangible hope -- out into the void, where it will land in the unsuspecting lap of someone you have most likely never met, and may never meet. maybe it's someone who puts words together in such a fashion as to make the world stop turning, make the harsh, detached glare of a computer screen melt away, make you feel like the internet is really only a big gathering of people waiting somewhere in a long line, shivering because it's probably cold, clutching belle and sebastian tickets for a pending show. and the words wrap around you like the big yellow blanket you slept with as a girl, used for a cape when brandishing a hot pink, plastic sword and screaming 'she-ra, princess of power' at the top of your lungs in the freshly cut-grass of your springtime backyard. and then. you say something. under the guise of an invisible middle-man gone matchmaker, and you wait, i think, not necessarily for the proper response but rather a response of your own, a feeling to become felt. i am still leary of crush-voting, though i love getting votes. i love the small streak of happiness that usually overrides my morning oh-god-i-have-to-face-another-day streak of nausea, and i keep them all, though i usually never find out who sent them to me. i question them, i think, for the reasons sent. maybe the intentions behind them. because when i send them, i suppose i never quite know what drives me, and i have never been able to pinpoint the exact fluttering feeling i get when i press the mouse button. but the feeling is a good one. and today. i have become misty. the blinking cursor is waiting for me to say something of importance, but all i can say is this: i got a match. xxx love, lou _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+