My friend forwarded this to me yesterday. In light of recent events, I think it's quite funny. Of course, I forward this only in good humor, not out of spite. Paige
W E L S H F R I C T I O N
The Scene: John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson sitting in car talking. (Pulp Fiction music fades off...)
S: Ok, so tell me again about the Welsh.
J: Whaddya wanna know?
S: Beastiality is legal there right?
J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They want you to shag sheep in your home or certain designated places.
S: And those are valleys?
J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its legal to own a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan sheep, its ILLEGAL to fuck sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter 'cos, getta loada this, the police in Wales are too stupid to notice you've got a sheep hanging off your dick. I mean that's the intellect the police in Wales DON'T have.
S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm never fuckin' goin'.
J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the funniest thing about Wales is?
S: What?
J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people over there as we got here, but there they're a little different.
S: Example.
J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Cardiff and order a lump of coal, and I'm not talkin' about no paper cup, I'm talkin' about a LUMP of coal. And in Swansea you can buy coal in McDonalds. Do you know what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Wales?
S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?
J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the fuck a 1/4 pounder is.
S: So whadda they call it?
J: A (assumes welsh accent) "Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch".
S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch?
J: That's right.
S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?
J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Bich Machch (accent again).
S: (imitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch?
J: Ha ha ha
S: Whadda they call a Whopper?
J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put on French Fries in Swansea instead of ketchup?
S: What?
J: Coal.
S: Arrr man...
J: I've seen 'em do it man, they fuckin' drown 'um in that shit.
And keeping on the theme of Welsh and their little pastimes...
Two welsh farmers were talking about their sheep. The first farmer says "I'm not having any luck getting these sheep to breed."
The second farmer replies "You have to do it yourself if you want any results."
"What do you mean?" the first farmer asks curiously.
"It's simple. Load them up in your lorry, take them around behind the barn, and do the business. Wait about three days, and you should see them start to act peculiarly."
So the first farmer thinks about this, then decides he's going to do it. The next day, he loads the sheep up in the lorry, drives them out behind the barn and proceeds to screw each one in succession.
Three days pass and he's sitting in the kitchen with his wife.
"Look out of the window and tell me if those sheep are acting peculiarly." says the farmer to his wife.
"Nothing unusual" the wife responds.
Upset, the farmer loads them up in the lorry the next day, drives them out behind the barn, and goes to town on them again. Three more days pass.
"Those sheep doing anything funny?" says the farmer to his wife, sitting in the kitchen.
"Nope." she responds.
Pissed off, the farmer decides to give it one more try. The very next day he loads them up in the lorry, drives them out behind the barn, and really screws their brains out. Three days pass, and once again he's sitting in the kitchen with his wife.
"Those sheep doing anything peculiar?" he asks, hopefully.
"As a matter of fact, yes.", replies the wife. "They're all sitting in the lorry, and one of them is honking the horn."
There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: * 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman * 2 French men and 1 French woman * 2 German men and 1 German woman * 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman * 2 English men and 1 English woman * 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman * 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman * 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere! * One Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman. * The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois"---. * The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman. * The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. * The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. * The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming. * The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low. * The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting any...
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