Hey folks! A claim to fame: A friend of mine bumped into Siegfried from All Creatures Great And Small the other day. She didn't speak to him though. There you go, sorry for making you all jealous. It's a bit disappointing if Slow Graffiti is really so literal, although it goes to show how lucid Stuart's lyrics are I suppose. I mean, even though the lyrics aren't; There's a bloke With a wife Who's been having up the bum sex With the bloke upstairs You can still understand the desperation of this chap's predicament. I've been in two minds for a while whether I want to see The Acid House but I don't think I will. I prefer my own version of events. It involves dirty skylights and tiled floors and a sailor and is really quite exciting. And anyway, I think Irvine Welsh is a tit. Rising to Alan's challenge, here's a karaoke-story thingy for Lazy Line Painter Jane. It's like Belle and Sebastian meets Open All Hours, hope you like it: Here's Jane, working in the village second hand shop - "The Joy Of Giving". They sell all sorts of things. Today Jane is putting up a poster - "Led Zeppelin world tour 1988", but it keeps falling down. Oh dear, here comes her boss, Mr Legs - he doesn't look happy. This morning she came in with mud on her knees and now she can't even stick up a poster. He's going to give her one last chance. Captain Cockle the crusty old seaman is getting rid of some stuff, and he needs some of it moving. "You will have a buoy tonight" says Mr Legs, "You will have a buoy tonight - on the first bus out of town". And he gives her some bus money. It's lunchtime. Jane walks along the lane past the school. On the school field there's a class of girls playing games and running and jumping and hula-hooping. Jane used to love PE. She starts running. She runs along the street, then down towards the beach, jumping puddles and challenging stiles on the way. "Boo to the business world" she thinks, she's going to spend the rest of the day on the beach. Down on the beach she sees a girl walking from deckchair to deckchair, trying to sell holidays to the sunbathers. The back of her t-shirt says "tax free". Oh for a job like that thinks Jane, and she remembers Mr Legs's booming voice - "You will have a buoy tonight. You will have a buoy tonight - on the first bus out of town" Sitting on the sand, Jane turns her mind to other things. Last week, whilst licking railings, she found a tiny sparrow with a broken wing. She took it home, and ever since it's been living in one of her shoes. Now it's getting big, and noisy, and she's worried her mum will find out. It doesn't even look like a sparrow anymore, more like a thrush in fact - it looks a bit stupid really. Jane tosses a coin and the decision is made. She'll buy some rat poison from the chemist. That'll shut the bugger up. Jane stays on the beach all day, and when the sun begins to set and a chill wind blows in from the sea, she curls up in a bus shelter to sleep. She'd forgotten about Mr Legs and all her problems altogether until the first bus from town turns up, and she remembers what she was supposed to do. Never mind, she thinks, she can always paint lines again. Hmm... It's not exactly karaoke is it? And sorry about the crusty old seaman - I was trying to keep it clean, honest. Bye for now Robin xxx +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+