hello sinister. i got an email from bron today, telling me she is leaving this little electronic internet world for one existing in manners intended. for us. she's going. to the country. she's leaving home. and somehow, i feel like she is leaving me, a little bit. but i am glad. for i want her to fly, because i know her wings need stretching. use. breathing room. and somewhere in my room, in a box that used to house a brand new pair of rubbery-smelling pink shoes, is the thick little square that unfolds to a poem. that she dropped. and i picked up. and reminds me. that we are flowers. and i decided recently that some kinds of flowers can decide when or if to wilt. which makes us. me. lucky. i think. *** i'm starting to find it difficult to fathom that finding a place to live is so trying. finding a job -- difficult, yes, sometimes. finding a lifelong love partner/soulmate -- extremely challenging, of course. finding a flattering swim suit -- impossible, naturally. finding a place to live should certainly not be as elusive. i keep calling landlords. gently explaining my "situation," as i've come to term it. asked for central air. price limits. locations. and they all say the same thing: 'you just picked the worst time! i mean, the best time for me, but the WORST time for you! how about i show you that place on (insert super-ghetto address here) or this other gem about 70 blocks away from campus? (me mumbling something occurs here) and then: "what? wait...you called yesterday? oh YEAH! I REMEMBER YOU NOW! bummer, i don't think i have anything for you." so maybe i can meet up with other local lincoln homeless, start a club of some kind. have our weekly meetings at the soup kitchen, right before i go to take my weekly shower at the ymca. and then i can head off to a cozy city bench, under a shady tree, maybe in line with the door to a building, so a bit of chilled air from inside can waft over me when the people walk past and inside and outside the building. is that how homeless people do it? no wonder they always seem crazy. i think that kind of life would drive me quite insane. *** today in the news was a story of a girl's ex-boyfriend. who broke into her house and beat her dog to death with a golf club before systematically dismembering the girl's mother's pet bird. i went to work at the toy store, and it turned out one of the women i work with was the girl's aunt. and she said she had known the boy. that he had always seemed so smart and so quiet. underneath, i guess, was an abuser and killer and who else knows what. a crazy person. no wonder we want to get away from this world. *** if i were an animal, i have long said i would be a bird. and i hope that i would be able to fly away and fly and build enough homes and sing beautiful songs before the world came back to cut me down or a deal or apart. this is the way we wilt, maybe. and maybe we flowers don't really get to decide after all. but. i'm still going to think they do. we do. xxx lou ------------------ THE FOLLOWING IS AN ADVERT FOR EXCELLENCE: never learned how to ride a bike? merely flailed helplessy in a chlorine-laced pool when trying to learn to swim? come to Camp Kids Who Gave Up 2002, sponsored by lindsey baker, dave snyder and conor oberst to learn to ride and swim like nobody's business! while you're temporarily residing on our beautiful, secluded island paradise camp, enjoy lessons from friendly guest instructors such as mandee wright and listen to a different live band every night (we feature saddle creek gems and omaha rapists)! dating lindsey is also an available option, so long as conor is off-island. SIGN UP TODAY!!! _________________________________________________________________ Join the worlds largest e-mail service with MSN Hotmail. http://www.hotmail.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+