Hello sinnie kids! I'm at the very crest of an emotional wave these says, everything has been going so unbelivably wonderful that I feel any moment I must crash..but yet wonderful things keep happening to me and the white foam is not so cushy and lusterous that I fear it must implode. It all started thursday, when my long awaited letter of acceptance into my summer camp and safe harbour's Counsellor In Training program, inviting me to be a a CIT in weaving, which was my first choice. Weaving is the only thing I can do better than anyone else I know, its the only activity I truely understand and love. It makes me so happy, and the thought of spending half of every day this summer teaching other people to do it is unbelievably exciting. A frenzy immediately started online to find out who got invited to work in what shop, and all of my close friends got their first or second choice. Everyone is happy. The same night, I found out that I wasn't going to have to visit my grandparents over presidents weekend, so I can go visit my friends instead. yippee! Then I sent my first list crush vote. <winks> I didn't think things could get any better, then I got Max Grapenut's (you need a sinister name max, and until you come up with a better one you can share mine...) post about me. Strangest thing about it, as I was thinking of what my next post would be about, I decided I'd write something about how wonderful he is, and how unbelievably synched we are and how lovely it is to be with someone you think is so wonderful, while constantly being reminded how like them you are in some ways. Makes one feel very good about themself, and about the entity that is Max and Rachel..whatever on earth that is. No name, but its certainly very lovely. The year before I met max was in some ways the most terrible, lonely year of my life..but also the one that shaped the basics of who I am. I spent the first half of the school year trying to come to terms with my first relationship, with a now straight girl named Laura- still the person for whom I have had the most intense desire- how much I loved her and needed her, and how terribly uncomfortable I had made her in my near obsession with her. Then I read Stranger In A Strange Land, and concocted a number of very idealistic and naive postulates about the nature of life and love. I convinced myself that all I needed was for one person to have an understanding of the way I saw things- which I then believed was the only way things could ever correctly be seen. I convinced myself that my then boyfriend ben was this person, which he obviously was not. Ben refuses to see or speak to me now. I left the year angry at everyone and everything. I was not looking forward to my new s! chool at all...there was not goi ng to be anyone who I would like at all, and I would have to re-establish my reputation as a complete looney. ugh. Well, though my views on life have changed in many ways since then, I was correct in that there can be one person who makes everything better. Funny actually, since after ben broke up with me I convinced myself that that was the only thing about which I had been wrong, that there was no one anywhere who understood everything, that no one person could make me happy. Max taught me by being himself that there are other correct ways of looking at the world besides mine, and at the same time showed me by being the friend I dreamed of having that the way I saw things was correct. The most love to all of you, Rachel Grapenut Wait! Just a few more things I have to say: I'm sorry about your little "teenage" sister, Miss Pancake. She would get along with the kids from the YMCA. A big welcome to all the lovely new people, especially Poet the Baker, who's future posts (maybe some poems, even?) I look forward to reading. This has to be the grandest round of the flattery game you and I have ever played, max. I say we both win. I much prefer it to the blame game, which I am so terrible at. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+