Brothers and sisters As we fast approach our anniversary it has occurred to some of us that the newer recruits to our joyful congregation may as yet be unaware of the traditions and glorious history of this august institution. The mighty oak of Sinister can only flourish in ever-replenished soil, and so, to remedy this potentially calamitous situation, for several months now we have been employing workshy students on their summer recess to venture deep into the cobwebbed catacombs of The Archives by candlelight. We paid them with Spangles. Some of the students were never to return from these perilous regions, but do not weep... They were only Media Studies students. And they died to serve the greater good. So let me dandle you a while on the knee of Old Uncle Trousers, as I bring you.... THE STORY OF SINISTER. Part I: The Early Years Date ????BC* A traveller from The North brings news of delightfulle mufic among the Pictish hordes. Enthused by these rumours, a young cleric by the name of Andrewe Dene ventures into these godless, pestiferous regions as part of a Sabre-Toothed-Tiger Safari. Hearing the queer minstrellry emanate from the forests at night, he feverishly takes primitive field recordings, etching the notation into stone tablets. Since he belongs to an ascetic cult which forbids the consumption of flesh or wine, Dene is nourished in his labours solely by the produce of the local dairy. Hence his recordings become known as Ye Sabre Toothed Tiger Milk tablets. *Date illegible due to the vandalism of Viking invaders several centuries later, who covered the archives with crude Norse etchings... Scholars suggest an approximate translation as This is pish etc. Date 23BC The cult of Brother Denes recordings spreads thoughout the country. By the banks of the Thames, an innocent Kitchen-worker, David, is granted a mysterious epiphany as he burns the days Cake... a Voice commands him to take his wench Katrina and establish a Holy Order, based on The New Music, the wearing of Velour, and strange hilltop rituals, known as picnics. Shunned and laughed at by the locals, the couple take refuge high in the branches of a tree near modern day Kew Bridge. Meanwhile, The Word spreads... 50AD Advances in modern technology lead to the formation of a network, uniting the far-flung members of the fledgling cult. Through observation of the heavens, and careful study of ley-lines, the brilliant druid Pol Mitchelle deduces that a centre should be founded in the small village of Edinburgh. With techniques later used in the construction of Stonehenge, huge obelisks bearing messages of crucial importance are dragged vast distances by teams of highly-trained mammoths. God-fearing Christians rightly term this unseemly activity Sinister. 65AD The first message arrives in Edinburgh. Sadly it is obscured by mammoth dung. 70AD The second message arrives, bearing only the mysterious rune P----O----P?. Detailed study of the calligraphy makes it clear that it is a message of peace from a terrible Warlord somewhere in the vicinity of Harringay... Uncle Trousers xxxxxxx -------------------------------------------------------- Next week! The Discovery of the New World Young Bobbie MacRaggartTaggart falls asleep while inhaling a new fangled tobacco cigarello. and invents the smoke signal.... +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". For list archives and searching, list rules, FAQ, poor jokes etc, see http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +---+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +---+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+