Really, the standards of the criminal classes aren't like they used to be. I was sitting on a train on Wednesday, reading a book, when two chaps came along and sat at the table next to me. After fooling the ticket inspector into thinking they'd lost their tickets, they quickly launched into talk of how they were going to go to Leicester and burgle Debenhams. Burglar #1: "The more I think about it the better it seems. There's a tunnel underneath that means they can't find us, even with heat seeking cameras." Burglar #2 (nervously) "Ooh, I don't know..." Burglar number one, a loud, arrogant chap, was apparently the leader and number two was his meek, nervous accomplice. It was terribly unoriginal. Number two would mumble an idea, then number one would practically shout his reply. Burglar #2 (conspiratorially) "But why do we have to go to Marks and Spencer?" Burglar #1 "To get a plastic bag they can't see through, stupid" I hid behind the pages of my book. They were rubbish burglars. I could hear every word they were saying. No idea at all. We were sitting on a bus last night when Legal Man came on the radio. It sounded pretty good, although it was hard to make out above the sounds of the bus's wheels and windows, buzzing like they do. Arantxa looked dubious. "Pastiche," she said. I rather liked it, though, but like someone said, it does sound like the theme to Eurotrash. Maybe the band will appear on Top Of The Pops, each wearing a pair of big plastic titties. I'm sitting in the university computer room at the moment, looking at a notice on the wall opposite. It says "In case of emergency, ring security on 3013." By some cruel twist of fate, 3013 was my telephone number in the first year and I used to get desperate phone calls at two in the morning from people who were being attacked, burgled, or having a siezure. Is that how you spell siezure? I had to tell them, apologetically, that I wasn't in fact the police, but a rather weedy young boy who wanted to go to back to sleep. It was quite bewildering. I woke up one morning and there was a message on the voicemail from a bloke with a thick, foreign accent: "I.. I cannot alm ze bellyole security..." I was terribly worried that I might have unwittingly let an innocent man die a horrible death. I do hope he's okay. Arantxa went off to ATP this morning and I'm feeling pretty glum because I couldn't go. Hope you kids are having fun at Camber Sands, anyway. You'll have to show me the photos. It'll be like Ibiza Uncovered, but in paperback, and with more boobs. Bye! Robin x +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+