This is a CHOOSE YOUR OWN SINISTER POST! Yes, just like everyone's favourite early-80s reading material, Choose Your Own Adventure books. You know what to do. I mean, it obviously won't be a full bookful. I'll probably get bored of thinking of choices to give you before very long. But we'll see how it goes. -- ONE -- You are sat at your computer, reading your email. You see four Sinister posts. Which do you want to choose? "Sinister: I don't love anyone (that lives on this continent)": go to paragraph 24. "Sinister: So Long, Frank Lloyd Amanda Wright": go to paragraph 17. "Sinister: Dos Sturan read his reviews?": go to paragraph 30. "Sinister: The Battle of Who Could Care Less": go to paragraph 25. -- TWO -- Oooh, ages ago. 1995? Something like that. Don't ask me, I never ever got hold of Tigermilk until it was rereleased. Go to paragraph 12 -- THREE -- You dafty! Your subscription cheque bounced! Go to paragraph 24 -- FOUR -- OK, so it wasn't *that* sensible an outfit. Something warmer would have been more sensible, with the weather we've been having lately. I know the pink nail varnish didn't go with the trousers, but I was too lazy to redo them. Go to paragraph 7 -- FIVE -- I mean, I do get sentimental sometimes. But not when I'm being this silly, obviously. It's always better in private, isn't it? Go to paragraph 19 -- SEX -- KEN CHU! Go to paragraph 38 -- SEVEN -- I mean, I'd look all silly if i got it wrong. Go to paragraph 10 -- NINE -- I thought it was obvious, wasn't it? I mean, what other species just ignores you and lazes about when you're trying to talk to them? Dogs look at you and pant excitedly. Parrots and Mynah Birds just repeat stuff back at you. Obviously, Elvis is a *human being* Go to paragraph 20 -- TEN -- I did have a project to listen to all B&S's songs and write down how the sung lyrics differed from the published ones. i was too lazy to finish it, though. Part of the problem was that I started with Tigermilk, whose published lyrics are by far the most inaccurate. The lyrics to Elvis are on the Jeepster website, but with a mistake in: for some reason, whoever wrote them down misheard Byres Road. Go to paragraph 17 -- ELEVEN -- Remember the line "bedsit infamy of the decade gone before"? I have a Cunning Theory that this is actually a reference to the review of If You're Feeling Sinister that appeared in the Guardian (published in London and Manchester) back in December 1996. "They sound as if they don't leave their bedsit enough" it said. or something to that effect. It was five years ago now, you know. Go to paragraph 4 -- TWELVE -- Are Frank Lloyd and Amanda related? I think we should be told. It would be nice to have a famous architect in the family. I don't think there's anyone famous in my family. My mum went out with a pop singer once, but I can't actually remember his name. Go to paragraph 7 -- FIFTEEN -- xx Caitlin -- SIXTEEN -- You mean you haven't heard Century of Elvis? Or read the lyrics even? It's on the Lazy Line Painter Jane EP, if you were wondering. And it's good. Almost makes me think it's a shame Stuart D left the band. Go to paraquat 10 -- SEVENTEEN -- I was walking round the city the other day. It keeps me fit. I don't get very much exercise. As I walk, I either think things over in my mind, or I sing songs to myself. I don't *sing*, obviously, because I get enough strange looks ordinarily. But I think-sing things over in my mind. Whatever comes into my head. For some reason, the other day, I started to sing "So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright". It's a lovely song, and it makes me smile. Do you want to give me a funny look? Paragraph 4. Do you want to read more about the Wright family? Paragraph 12. Do you think: "Ooh, short sentences. I like people who use short sentences?" Paragraph 38. -- EIGHTEEN -- I always liked to read Choose Your Own Adventure books straight through from cover to cover. My mother said it was cheating, but it appealed to me. Otherwise, there would always be bits that I missed. I always suspected that they put bits in that you could never actually reach. When I grew a bit older, I was going to write a novel which was cut up into little chapters and not put into any order. It was going to be called "Swingbridge"; I forget what the plot was. Go to paragraph 31 -- NINETEEN -- But if you do want me to get all sentimental ... well ... I'm going to go all quiet now. You might not even find this paragraph. Go to paragraph 15 -- TWENTY -- Have they left any interesting porn on your computer lately? Go to paragraph 5 -- TWENTY-TWO -- Go to the list archive and search for "Gillanders" and you'll see what I'm talking about. He's lovely, really. Hi Rich. Go to paragraph 20 -- TWENTY-THREE -- Some things make you feel awfully old. Going through cupboards and finding all your old childhood books, for one. It really scuppers your plans for clearing out the cupboards, because you just sit for hours and read them all. There goes your afternoon. What? You've not told me when B&S formed yet! Paragraph 2 Aha! So that's where you got the idea of this post from. Paragraph 18 -- TWENTY-FOUR -- Why does Sinister make people travel so far? I'm not criticising, it's a good thing. It's a wonderful thing. It's one of the things that makes this list so beautiful. Ahem. I think I was getting carried away a bit, there. This post is far too silly for me to get all sentimental and mushy about things. Go to paragraph 5 -- TWENTY-FIVE -- Most of you wouldn't care if I left the list, I know that. So, obviously, I'd have to write a long long post saying how I had to leave, things are just going downhill because otherwise you wouldn't noti THIS PARAGRAPH MYSTERIOUSLY HAS A SECTION MISSING. I think a sheep ate it. And I can't remember what I said, either. It begins again with: nd up with group fellatio. And obviously, we don't want that. Go and write the sort of post you want to read, instead. Go to paragraph 1 -- THIRTY -- We never seem to have any in-depth discussions of B&S lyrics here any more, you know. It's not like it was back in 1998, kids. Back then, threads about what species Elvis was would last ... ooh, *hours*. What species is Elvis? Paragraph 9 What the hell are you talking about? Paragraph 16 You mean B&S had already formed by 1998? Paragraph 23 So, tell me your theory about what "I Fought In A War" was all about: Paragraph 11. -- THIRTY-ONE -- I wasn't going to go as far as B. S. Johnson, who published a book whose chapters weren't actually bound together, to emphasise the fact that you could read them in any order. I can't remember what it was called, though. I hope it *was* actually BS Johnson that I'm talking about. Go to paragraph 7 -- THIRTY-EIGHT -- Sometimes. You just need it. Punctuation. I mean. When will he be back? From the Czech Republic. Of course. I'm a fully-paid-up member of the Richard John Gillanders Fan Club: Paragraph 3 Who? Paragraph 22 (that *really* is enough of that) +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+