my car has died. poor thing...sitting all alone in the parking lot of a twenty-four hour diner. i'm not sure how i'll get to work tomorrow.... i realized today how much i will miss my job. a sweet elderly man came into the shop, walked straight up to the counter and asked if we would "cater to transvestites." gina said yeah and asked what he needed...a shiny black corset and a cheap wig. we don't have them. he said his wife thinks it's a horrible idea anyway. heh. yesterday, a young couple engaged in various sexual acts just outside the front window of the shop. looking into the shop and laughing and probably feeling brave and fabulous. no one was really impressed...someone stood and gave them the finger for quite some time, and someone else called security but they never showed up. one guard stopped in today with a memo, and gina said "people had sex up against the window. we called security and nobody ever came by." the guard just stared blankly and said "well, you could've called again." there is one female security guard...for many months she reminded me of someone and i could never think...then i realized. and she gained a nickname. 'the trunchbull,' as far as i can see, is given ample pay and benefits for stomping around all day, eating roasted almonds and scaring kittens. and scaring me. there's this awful elevator to the basement. it has a massive horizontal sliding door...you have to push down the bottom part and pull up the top part with a grimy strap....it's so horribly heavy that i have to get under the strap with my shoulder and push and pull until i have opened it enough to get my leg and half of my bum into the space, at which point i sort of wedge myself into the crack and push the top part of the door up over my head. gosh. sort of hard to picture, i'd imagine...sorry. well. a few days ago i was bored and stalling a bit on my way up from taking the garbage to the basement, and i suddenly thought that it might be fun if i were to stand on the bottom part of the door and pull on the strap overhead, thus raising myself with the door. it looked like fun and i had nothing better to do...so i was just killing some time, going up and down with the door and wondering why i'd never thought of it before. and then...a dark, bulky figure appeared. a neat brown bun on top of a skull the size of a basketball. the trunchbull. she saw me there, balancing several feet off the floor, a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, and wearing a dumb t-shirt and a funny cap with cat ears. she...boomed at me. i don't know how else to put it. i don't know what she said. it just sounded like booming. bits of roasted almonds flying out of her mouth, her great round eyes looking as though they might pop right out of her head. i rather expected her to grab me by my hair and swing me around and around, for she simply must be a former shot-put champion. of course she is. she's the trunchbull. i'm sort of worried about my car. i hope nobody does anything to it. i'm also worried that years from now, a child will find out that he was conceived against the window at viktor-viktoria. blech. sorry. this is so lame. i can't help it... LOVE kirsten by the way, mandee wright is completely rad because she can link oatmeal to the flight of the navigator and also because she just named my car "spacepet." Care2 make the world greener! http://www.care2.com - Get your Free e-mail account that helps save Wildlife! +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+