**HOLIDAYS** God bless Bed and Breakfasts. I had some lovely times in silent, tense dining rooms trying very hard not to drop the coffee pot or spill ketchup down my front (asking for the ketchup itself was very embarrassing, but what on earth is the point of a fried brekkie without sauce?). My mum and I talked to each other but all the other people who had gone on holiday seemed to be quite fed up of each other. When we weren't talking we stared out of the 12 ft by 12 ft window at the sea. The house had been built on the cliff top for a lady artist with more monet than talent and was a splendid tribute to grand gestures and folly. I loved it. The sea was beautiful and turbulent and it made my heart race like I was on a fairground ride. The spray flew up over the end of the pier that I was standing on and I kept wanting to get closer and closer to the waves or even jump in. What is this compulsion to do foolish things? Is there a name for it other than 'youth'? I lay on the beach in St Ives and saw a fellow wearing an Amper Sands T shirt. I had meant to wear mine that day but didn't for some reason and ended up in a short top that kept riding up and showing my stomach that had got all fat from fish and chips and fudge. My brother frolicked in the sea with his girlfriend and make me feel quite uncomfortable with their PDAs. They *droop* and *fawn* over each other. There are many reasons why I dislike this behaviour. I shall not bother to explain and attempt to justify them. Suffice to say, I am a prude who does not find it necessary to know that other people are sexually active. I'd like to think I am joking, but I fear I am not. **SIMON ARMITAGE** Big shakes to everyone who has advised me as to what to look for, etc. especially PeetSketchSteve, who make me a tape. I am saving it to listen to in bed tonight. Thank you very much. **SENILITY** I appear to have caught senilty of my mother, my grandmother or aunt sadie. Or perhaps all three. Whilst on holiday with my mum, she only annoyed me seriously three times. These were: when she pulled and pulled so hard on a door that should be pushed that the handle fell off (this happened while I was standing on the other side of the door saying "Push, Woman! Push!"); her deafness and her complete lack of spatial awareness. I am no mistress at the art of knowing right from left myself, but if it weren't for me, she's still be walking in circles round Penzance train station. Anyway, I feel like I am turning into her. My hips ache and I keep forgetting things and spilling things and I cried the other day because I felt ill, which made me feel even stupider. And then I was sick, which send the stupidometer off the scale. **THE MARMITE DEBATE SETTLED (ONCE AND FOR ALL)** Marmite and butter: Yes Marmite and peanut butter: Yes (especially with crispy lettuce) Marmite and strong cheddar: Yes (also with crisps) Bananas: No. I am afraid of them **IN WHICH MADELEINE APOLOGISES** Sorry. I've gone on for ages. love Madeleine "Sometimes you've just got to take the crunchy with the smooth" Billy Bragg. _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+