It takes a lot to get me to post. Congratulations, Fiona, you've just managed it. Of course, this throws me into an inner debate about my worth to sinister and society in general - well, it's a rather awful state of affairs when no amount of intelligent debate about Napster, Petula Clark or the ever-present topic (at least in the head of Mr. P. Miller, Esq.) of seventies WHO doesn't prompt me to spout forth, but the merest mention of a blocked khazi makes me jump for my keyboard with the acrobatic energy of a rabid hound. Anyway, inner debating aside, here are a few hypothi....hypoffesee...hipo....ideas on how to remedy your current situation. In true chartsesque, reverse order, of course. 5. Use the marigolds. Never attempt anything without the gloves. 4. Nip down to your local ICI, carry out a daring dawn raid, and purloin a few vats full of concentrated sulphuric acid. Tip them down your shitter, and your problem's gone. Mind you, so has your shitter, but that's neither here nor there. 3. Fight fire with fire. Trek down to the local Indian, consume 3 Prawn Jalfrezis, sixteen poppadoms with !H!O!T! lime chutney, two portions of basmati rice and one of those unspeakably awful coconut desserts. Then hover over your loo for half an hour when you get back home and dissolve the offending matter with your offending matter. Warning: side-effects similar to number 4, only this one gets rid of your arse as well. 2. Move house. This is by far the most effective, if the most costly, of your options. In the worst-case scenario that it is actually you that has plugged your trough, however, be warned that this doesn't work. You'll just end up running away from yourself constantly, leading to all kinds of embarrassing social problems in later life. You may even go mad. Which brings me to option number one. 1. Lock yourself in your room. Never go out, apart from the occasional sojourn downstairs to paint the fridge green. Speak in tongues, and when anybody knocks on your door, bark at them repeatedly. Play Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music and anything by Van Der Graaf Generator. When the men in white coats come to cart you away......... ........just plead insanitary. I think that was my last ever post to Sinister. Don't you? lol p xx. -- -----------------------------*||*-------------------------------- "To see a World in a Grain of Sand And a Heaven in a Wild Flower Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity in an hour" "Auguries of Innocence" - William Blake Pete Ramsdale - Unix Systems Administration, UBS Warburg. Phone: 020 7568 3836 -----------------------------*||*-------------------------------- Visit our website at http://www.ubswarburg.com This message contains confidential information and is intended only for the individual named. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. Please notify the sender immediately by e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake and delete this e-mail from your system. E-mail transmission cannot be guaranteed to be secure or error-free as information could be intercepted, corrupted, lost, destroyed, arrive late or incomplete, or contain viruses. The sender therefore does not accept liability for any errors or omissions in the contents of this message which arise as a result of e-mail transmission. If verification is required please request a hard-copy version. This message is provided for informational purposes and should not be construed as a solicitation or offer to buy or sell any securities or related financial instruments. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+