See this? :D This is the symbol for me grinning from ear to ear like a total idiot. I'm happy you see. In fact, I think I'm the happiest little cola-cube this side of the M1. I don't know how long this is going to last before some big foot comes stomping down on my five minutes of joy...but for now I'm so happy, I've been jumping up and down around my kitchen and singing along to bad songs on the radio and generally making my flatmates start to believe that I've finally lost what little is left of my sanity. So why the all the happiness? Especially when my last post was so pessimistic...well..let me start from the beginning. Last night there was a (very) mini-Sinister meet-up in my flat to wave James "Dancing-Hatchback" off before he went to Poland which involved Ben Apps and the aformentioned Hatchback invading my room with a bottle of vodka, a bottle of lemonade and two limes which is always a good thing in my opinion. And I have to say it was utterly lovely. Mr. Apps impressed me greatly with his drinks making abilities and made us all gag on overdoses of saccharine everytime the words "Rachel" and "Fruitloop" were mentioned, and sighing with big puppy-dog eyes looking whistfully into the future waiting for her to come to London. Me and Hatchabck giggled and listened to Broadcast and generally did what two kids who haven't seen each other in ages tend to do which involved getting all excited about little things, talking VERY FAST INDEED, wondering if Belle and Sebastian were going to play Edinburgh and planning our adventures for the weekend of the "Great Brighton Meet-up." Bless Hatchback, he was so excited about going to Poland, even though he couldn't really speak the language and didn't even know the name of the currency. However, it wasn't so funny when he laughed at me because I didn't know that you had to catch a ferry to go to Poland and your coach didn't just drive across the ocean. After Mr. "I'm a supervisor at work now and therefore older and wiser (no honest) than you two wee scallywags and so I'm not going to sit around and get drunk but go home and read a training manual instead" Apps returned to his little palace known as "The Bappsy Trotwood" (Thank you Ken Chu!)me and Hatchback sat around drinking yummy Tia Maria, listening to John Peel and forming out own little theory about life and Sinister. The thing about life, (well, maybe our lives anyway) is there are times when you're in a certain place, or doing a certain thing...say like going to high school when you're fifteen every single day, or being stuck in the same old boring job for what may seem like years on end and it feels like you're going to be there forever. Time passes, but at the same time remains static because you know that in order to achieve anything else or do anything exotic or exciting you're going to have to do this one thing first, no matter how unpleasant it may be. So you go to school and do the same old thing, but you daydream about how you want your life to be. In my case, it was always getting out of Manchester and coming to live in London, having my own flat, writing for a newspaper, having lots of friends who cared about me and how I felt and were always there to go out or come round for a cup of tea, having an enviable CD collection and my own kettle and toaster (no honest). I always wanted what I've got now. And now I've got it, it's not that it's an anti-climax, because it's all just as lovely as I always imagined it to be. It's just...that there are times when it all doens't seem real. Every morning I wake up and just for a few seconds expect to be back in my blue bedroom in Manchester. But I'm not. I'm in London, and in Camden no less...the place I always wanted to run away to so I could live in The Good Mixer and seduce Menswear when I was twelve. So, sometimes my twelve year old self takes over and lets the nineteen year old self have a rest. Just this twelve year old is finally allowed to do all the things that she couldn't do before and she just goes slightly crazy and gets too drunk and dances a lot and giggles madly with her other reverted-back-to-the-age-of-twelve friends, like the Boy in the Tree. That's another example. He's just got a new flat and so calls me up on my mobile twenty times a day to let me hear the sound of his refridgerator that he's just got working, or the sound of him jumping on the bed. Or maybe just him running around the rooms like a maniac banging on the walls of every room which is his version of "a guided tour" to prove that he too has finally got what he's always wanted and can't believe it either. So maybe that's like Sinister. Some of us daydream about how we want our lives to be...and some of us have finally got what we wanted when we were wee, but can't believe it so run around like kids getting drunk and giggling and generally having the best time that a bunch of kids can have. That's our theory. And it made sense at the time. But maybe that was just the Tia Maria. So, lots of hugs, peanut butter toast and cups of tea later, I found all the bits and pieces that Hatchback couldn't find or just couldn't remember that he'd brought with him and Apple Lollipop in mouth and practically bursting from over-excitement, he bounded down the road to Poland and to his own little adventure...whilst I went to Uni and learnt about Montesquieu. Which is always fun. And then I went to check my email and lo and behold what did I see? BELLE AND SEBASTIAN TICKETS ON SALE!!! IN BOTH OF THE TOWNS WHERE I LIVE!!! (London and Manchester) YIPPEE!!! So, I've bought my Manchester ticket with money that I don't really have and will be buying my London ticket when money I've rightfully earned comes into my bank account tomorrow. So, the beaming grin on my face at the moment is providing light and heat for most of my corridor and I'm really quite happy now. So, before I leave, a few more things to say. a) Idleberry said something about how heroines should not just love sex, but love guitars and record players and have adventures with them. I thought that was wonderful. I don't have a guitar, but I have my clarinet which makes a wonderful noise when you blow it too hard and my record player is possibly the most beautiful thing I own and will ever own and it comes with it's own suitcase too so I can have adventures with it. You never know, maybe I will one day...(when it's bloody fixed because SOMEONE mentioning no names :) played 80s Fan on it too many times). b) Will Salt...you are a very wonderful and very brave person. If I ever meet you I will lend you my make-up and my size 10 1960s dresses so long as your shoulders fit into them and then proceed to give your pigtailed self a massive great hug. c)Amy Longcore said:- "My friend Christopher called me up and said, "amy, we are relatively attractive, Smart and outgoing people. Why are we such social misfits in the dating Department?" I still can't answer you, Christopher, dear. But I sure can Relate to the roots of the questioning. i'm just a misunderstood cherubic hermit anyway. no one will ever find me." I hear you there sweety. Don't worry, someday our lo-fi-duffle-coated-floppy-haired princes will come. Until then, it's back to drooling over magazines and old pictures. *sigh* Is that everything? It better be...I have lecture in half an hour. Love and sparkles as always, Cay Cola-Cube xXx "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your Revolution..." -Emma Goldman +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+