it was cold outside today. i put on a pale blue cardigan and a plaid woolen scarf and just now, out on the corner for a cigarette, the wind cut right through and made me shiver. it felt nice. i got up this morning and had the pleasure of hearing richard, jeremy and will on the telephone. i couldn't really say anything...i just giggled a lot and my voice was all morning-raspy when i did try to talk, and now i feel like sort of an idiot for being so quiet. they all seem absolutely lovely. i was just really nervous....sorry about that. i hope i didn't make a complete giggly ass of myself. my dad was yelling at me, for some reason. after i hung up the phone he was gone, and he didn't come back for awhile. when he did, he knocked on my door and we talked for awhile and we both cried and he hugged me and i felt like i was five years old, and i felt safe. after that, i got in my car and i listened to ella fitzgerald and the sun shone through my window and i smiled, and i'm pretty sure my cheeks were glowing. i went into the little read bookshop and looked through a photography book for awhile and there were some beautiful photos of weddings and windmills. it was strange to be at work. a girl brought in little safety pins she'd decorated with red, white and blue beads, and i have never ever been a patriotic sort of person, and for as long as i can remember i've wanted to get out of the US for good. but i found myself pinning it onto my sweater and, for the rest of the day, glancing down at it was oddly comforting. we didn't play music in the shop for two hours. it was supposed to be a time of silence and reflection. a couple of girls came in and bought candles and a sparkly zodiac-sign lighter and i saw them on the street later, sitting at the bus stop and holding those candles. you could see a sort of dim glow on every street corner. it was beautiful, in the damp cold twilight. a boy i met tonight doesn't speak english, and i was able to talk to him a little bit, very very slowly, in spanish. i hadn't tried speaking it in a long time, and i suddenly remembered my freshman year of college when i had a spanish class, and our final project was an open-topic paper, five to seven pages, in spanish. my paper was called something like "por que yo quiero a vivir debajo el mar," which is probably all wrong but it was the best i could do. i wrote seven pages about how much i wished i could live under the sea, as long as i could find a convenient way to smoke underwater. we had to read the papers in front of the class, and everyone else had written about don quixote. it was quite embarrassing and my professor laughed and laughed and said something about jose cuervo helping me with my paper. i don't know what that has to do with anything. but it's not sad and it's not scary. it sort of makes me laugh. xoxo kirsten Care2 make the world greener! http://www.care2.com - Get your Free e-mail account that helps save Wildlife! +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+