dearest home, i have been quite homesick this past month or so that i haven't posted. or read any posts. it was in-between summer school and the fall, so no internet access. withdrawls preceeded the pot and booze. i'm okay now though...but i did miss you and think of you often. how is everyone? i don't really know what to write. nothing new really. just the same old shit. shit, shit, and more shit. that's life though, right? it's what you make of it and i'm going for: fertilizer and maybe a compost heap for everything else that comes along. maybe someday i'll have a healthy, fragile yet firm garden instead of that stench (sp?) that follows you around on the bottom of your shoe... i guess there is something though that i have been thinking about. i miss hugging people. and no. not those little 'hi' and 'goodbye' hugs. the kind that you get to lean into and keep for a still moment. sorry. that was cheese. and yet, full of such sodium and stuff, i really mean it all. i hope this all doesn't sound too whiny because if i were to say it out loud to someone, i don't think it would be whiny...but i am unsure as to how it would read...hmm... the 'one who fucked me up' called me the other night. i hadn't talked to him in a while. i don't know if anyone remembers, but right before new year's this past year, he told me that he never wanted to talk to me or see me EVER again. he made it all very clear, even though my eyes were pretty cloudy. we will call him D for now. D was VERY drunk. it just made D very honest. so maybe it was a good thing too along with just being a....thing. D apologized for hurting me. said he was sorry for the things that he ever said that ever made me cry. said that he still reads my on-line diary to see if i'm okay, because if i'm sad, it makes him sad. if i'm happy, it makes him happy. ect. we actually talked things out (which had, obviously, never happened before) and admitted things and apologized. some might label this as closure? it was just nice. then D made the next wrong step...he asked to see me. he needed to see me, to see how i was doing. he wanted to hold me in his arms and tell me everything is, and will be, okay. i should have known better. i most certainly do now. so everyone. let me hold you in my arms for a lovely moment full of almost quick heartbeats and almost clammy hands. "everything is going to be okay. everything is okay." but, of course. you don't need me to. ..........it's just nice once and while. love, sara xoxoxox ===== all the people'd stare as if we were both quite insane someday my name and his are going to be the same __________________________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! News - Today's headlines http://news.yahoo.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+