My Dahlinks, It is so GOOD to speak to you. I have vaited for many, many veeks. I said 'don't you know who I AM?' but zey said yes, and made me vait anyway. I am not USED to such insolence. We are on ze vay to....vere is it, driver? Ah, some dull little place on Park Lane. How I DESPISE zese society functions: 'Have some caviar, Zsa Zsa'; 'Won't you have another glass of champagne, Miss Gabor?'; 'Can't I just have you...for one night, Miss Gabor? I will pay handsomely - I will grovel and beg. I will buy you a country'. Zey are so crashingly DULL I vould rather zit in the back of my little, little limo and listen to my new favourite band. Oh! Yah, Dahlinks, how I LAVV zem! It is so SAD for you poor little people, who have to VAIT to hear zem sing! Just EVERYBODY I know has had a copy for VEEKS! I lavv to sit in my little jacuzzi, viz, elton, and liza and ze cambridge rowing crew, and some of zeir friends, and I lift my martini and I shout to Liza... 'Listen, dahlink, there is NATHING you can do to offend me!' and how ve laaf.. Me, and Liza, and Elton, and ze cambridge rugby tem, as she cries back 'Caarsss You Don't Sshhhend Me!'. Oh, and Elton. He lavvs them too. He vonts to perform a DUET, viz BOTH of zem. Imagine zat! Viz Belle AND Sebastian too! He says if he can get Ryan Adams and zat silly leetle man with ze bleached hair to sing viz him, he can get a leetle band like zis for nathing! And think of how ze kids vill LAVV him again! Oh, it is true. EVERYONE, simply EVERYONE lavvs Belle and Sebastian. Zey are in all ze magazines - zey look so GLAMOROUS. Zis week, ve vill ALL be singing their songs. Next veek, ve might sing someone else's. Ve are very of the moment, me and Liza and Elton. A shame for zose of you who haven't heard ze album. Such a SHAME, for zose fans. Anyvay, I have come here to meet new people. I have heard ze fans of zis band are STRANGE and UNUSUAL, and me and Elton and Liza vould LAVV to meet some FREAKS to play viz! Ah.... IMAGINE! You maast be so HAPPY zat your strange, strange ways have found zeir way onto ze radio. Zat everyone is now liking vot you once thought you liked only! Anyvay, I must go. I vont something expensive to drink for tonight, after meeting viz all zose BORING kings and qveens! And I must start to drink it NOW, to see if it will be right for LATER. It is a hard life, being famous, dahlinks. Until another time, remember: A voman's heart should be like her handbag. Capable of holding many, many zings, and yet, viz strong, strong handles. Lav, dahlinks Zsa Zsa +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+