hi everybody, I'm dr nick. Actually i'm not, i'm danny but that's how dr nick introduces himself in the simpsons which leads me nicely onto my first lesson. 1. QUOTING CULT OR LITTLE KNOWN TV SHOWS OR MOVIES = COOL It is very important to build a good base of solid dependable quotes that can be adapted for almost any situation, the simpsons being one of the best places to get quotable material as it's quite popular but it's also a little "kitsch". If anything is ever described as "kitsch" then any content within should be remembered and quoted frequently as you will be awarded extra hipster points for this. One must remember not to quote over frequently or people will think you're just blah and don't do anything other than quote. Remember to quote from cult/little known shows that other hipsters will know about, a little known botany show is not a good place to obtain quotes from. 2. THE HOLY TRINITY OF HIPSTERDOM - PASSÉ, GAUCHE, KITSCH in the dictionary these definitions are put forward: passé - past it's best, outdated gauche - socially inept, graceless, tactless kitsch - art, literature, regarded as pretentious or in poor taste in hipster terms passé and gauche retain some of their original meaning and kitsch is changed almost entirely. An activity is pass%e9 if it is something once interesting to hipsters but is now out of fashion. The next step on from this is gaucheness, something is gauche if it is pass%e9 to the point of cringeworthiness. An affectation for destiny's child is now passé. It was once cool to like destiny's child as part of some outreach program to pretend hipster is not a musical snob, now however liking destiny's child is passé. It's outdated. Gaucheness however is far more serious, this could be liking movies for 'ironical' reasons, it's just so bad it's good a lá the early gen X movement. "Oh i know it's terrible but it's just so funny to watch, let's play a game of spot the hollywood cliché." This is now gauche beyond words, liking something because it's so bad it's good could lead to the hipster learner being hung drawn, and perhaps even eighthed. Kitsch on the other hand, i'm sure, had some meaning in hipster circles before, now it's just used to describe anything that's good although humour is usually involved. If anything is described as kitsch take note and remember never ever to make disparaging remarks about said kitsch activity. Things that are kitsch can quickly become passé though and this must be watched out for. Musicals used to break kitsch barriers, but now in a move away from irony towards populism musicals are now gauche. GREASE! in the year 2002. Puh-lease. 3 POPULISM IS THE NEW IRONY Previously as mentioned above, liking something for ironical reasons was cool as eff. It's so bad it's good was the motto heralded by the hipsters. Now however there is a move towards populism as irony becomes more and more passé and is now in fact gauche as eff. However as irony became more and more frowned upon a new system of dealing with mainstream culture appeared known as populism. Rather than liking something because "it's so bad it's good" hipsters now like movies, show's etc. in mainstream culture simply because they're good. Previously big brother was terrible, it's dreadful but the hipsters watched because it was just so bad it was good, it was funny. Now however there is no irony pretense, it's simply good. There is a catch with populism though, big brother is not simply liked in the way that the prole's like it. With populism comes the belief that the hipster can appreciate things on another level and have a discourse regarding things on this other level. The hipster watches big brother and detests every contestant and then analyse the characters and show on a level undreamed of by their un-educated, un-cool brethren. This is populism, and populism is IN. 4. FAKING POIGNANCY All hipsters must write, this is such a given that it isn't even a lesson, however there is a lesson and it is this: the hipster must always try to be poignant, beautiful. Their words should be transcendental. The hipster can keep a journal, a diary, they could work on a collection of short stories or poems but still they must always strive towards poignancy. Faking poignancy is therefore a very practiced art within hipster communities and goes something like this: take any sentence at all, turn it backwards, repeat it again slightly differently or describe it: I was walking down the road, the road i'd walked down a hundred times before. Ah such a road. Here simply walking down a road has been turned into the beginning of a poignant piece, what comes next is your choice, just remember to keep it poignant: I walked to the pier and sat. As i sat on the pier a thought entered my mind as i watched the waves. The waves crashed tempestuously against the rocks, crashing, tumbling, crashing, forever stuck in their pattern, never getting anywhere. Stuck, just like me. Always remember to describe things in great detail and always turn to nature or BIG things for descriptive comparisons or for describing your mood. Also any story can be started with a paragraph or two about the weather. For example when talking about a day you bought a loaf of bread, the hipster may start like this: I stared up at the sun, it's warmth making me feel comfortable, safe. The feel of the sun, it's warmth, it's brightness, took me back. It took me back to that day in 1996, i felt myself slip away as the memory of that day overcame me. 5. REMEMBER ALL THIS IS LIABLE TO CHANGE IN TWO-THREE WEEKS TIME *********************************************************************** I was in a car crash the other day, except it wasn't really a crash,just an emergency stop,but still. It was close. It was my fault too, i really shouldn't be allowed to drive,my mind works too fast and it also shoots off in a hundred different directions at once. It's why i can't sleep and it's also why holding concentration whilst driving for any length of time is difficult. Anyway maybe it was some sort of life-changing experience or something. I went for a picnic afterwards, it was alan's birthday. i organised it. and during it, i sat on the pier looking out at the waves, thinking. The waves crashed tempestuously against the rocks, crashing, tumbling, crashing, forever stuck in their pattern, never getting anywhere. Stuck, just like me. I thought: what's the meaning? the purpose? of anything, of waking up and getting out of bed? does anything have meaning? well. does it? Dannypie xxx _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. 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