hello sinister. in response to the somewhat desparate calls for posts, here i am again. it has been brought to my attention, as of late, that i, your very own lindsey, am a drama queen. this is a label i use infrequently myself, bestowing it upon only those truly worthy of the title, but to bear it myself, well, comes as a bit of an eye-opening surprise. it occurred to me yesterday as i was cleaning out my inbox that almost all of the emails i had exchanged with a former friend of mine were riddled with dramatic, james-ian descriptions of the smell of rain or my hatred for history assignments or my anger at his treatment of me, as were his letters. i have been missing him, as of late, you see, and i wondered yesterday whether it was actually he i missed or those big, long harangues i wrote to (and subsequently talked about with) him. i liked talking about icicles in the beginning, and i think somewhere inside, when he started to get heavily involved with drugs, i liked talking about why he did them, too. he always told me he loved me, and i always told him i didn't love him like that -- which was eventually the sticking point that drove the whole thing to pieces. so do i really want to regain that spry, curly-haired kid who used to try to kiss me, or do i just want the opportunity to refuse the kiss? funny how everyone spends their whole lives trying to figure everyone else out when the biggest enigma is the self. and i'm really no further ahead today than i was yesterday except for being wrapped in an icky sense that maybe, for a little while, i loved someone in a way he never wanted just because he made me feel as i never wanted and always hoped for at the same time. so is that using someone? maybe. but maybe it's not the worst way to be used, though even as i type that i doubt it. so i leave you now feeling like a) a drama queen (or just an addict) and b) a somewhat horrid girl. have you seen the loneliness of a middle distance runner? lindsey _______________________________________________________ Send a cool gift with your E-Card http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+