hello sinister. so i caved to the burgeoning trend creeping around the sinister edges of our little group and made a blog. *misslou winces* have dunnit. writtin it every day, shockingly enough. i remember my post here about diary entries. feel the same way again when you go to http://therulesofthegame.blogspot.com. i also wrote a less-than-glowing review of storytelling. feel like kicking me again and again with those boots they wore in a clockwork orange -- or not -- when you go to http://www.dailynebraskan.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2002/06/20/3d11c88d85cfc. many thanks to big (or should i say 'blog') gay mark for his help on both of the above. if you see him in the real live steaming flesh, give him a hug or some household prettying products or something for me. that said. the informational portion of my post has come to an end. *** last night, at the risk of dirtying myself, i knelt on the floor of the coffee shop so as to be level with austin's head as i told him about the decision i had made. and he smiled, showing his surprisingly charming, gappy teeth, celebratory. half an hour later i changed my mind, and he said he would be disappointed. but i think maybe it's just easier to stop something than keep it going, stop worrying and fussing and imagining things to imagine when lying in the arms of someone somewhere in a different nuance than to sit on a thin sheet on a futon at night, thinking so hard parts of my body become dead. or dying. at the expense of keeping the heart racing. with shreds of illusionary crushing. and certianly an ending is better than a pending, better than sitting across from someone and saying to him, 'we need to talk.' *** when i went for the interview yesterday, the editor gave me books. books of poets the press published. books of poems of poets that i'll be editing, now: a twenty-year-old snippet slash nebraska farm girl stigma telling a writer that his usage of 'fucking' might be better off as 'cock sucking,' knowing that on a good day she might write something half as worthy of being edited. inside one of the books was a dead spider. its body had been crushed between the pages, and all of the legs, remarkably enough, were intact and attached to the little round body. it was brown and undeniably crackly in its permanent state of repose, and i didn't touch it. i was a little taken aback, actually, and for some reason i wanted to skip over all the words and just look at the preservation of death. when i kill spiders -- or anything else -- the corpse is never so neatly justified. when i am old and living alone with my draft and backlog of stories of life and writers and the eight-sided affair i had when twenty, i want a row of books on a shelf. and in one of those books, i want a spider, pressed between pages like a flower. *** ken chu said something so nice to me this week, i cried. love, lou xxx ------------------ THE FOLLOWING IS AN ADVERT FOR EXCELLENCE: never learned how to ride a bike? merely flailed helplessy in a chlorine-laced pool when trying to learn to swim? come to Camp Kids Who Gave Up 2002, sponsored by lindsey baker, dave snyder and conor oberst to learn to ride and swim like nobody's business! while you're temporarily residing on our beautiful, secluded island paradise camp, enjoy lessons from friendly guest instructors such as mandee wright and listen to a different live band every night (we feature saddle creek gems and omaha rapists)! dating lindsey is also an available option, so long as conor is off-island. SIGN UP TODAY!!! _________________________________________________________________ MSN Photos is the easiest way to share and print your photos: http://photos.msn.com/support/worldwide.aspx +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+