The recent levels of smut and self-gratifying filth on this hard to find (but richly rewarding once discovered;) sinister niche has been quite frankly shocking! This used to be such a pleasant area, you used to able to trust your neighbours and leave your doors wide open without fear of midnight prowlers and buggery (err, burglary). But now you can�t even walk down the street without having female masturbation forced down your throat, or ring-piece manipulating wanking confessions thrown in your face. What will the well-to-do family�s think of us? � The Steps community alone will be up in arms to try and stamp-out all this �old-chap� & �front-bottom� related mayhem, and with their nicely tanned arms and well choreographed stamping, you know, we don�t stand a chance. There was a time when I thought you were all such dainty wee flowers, gently swaying in the garden of eternal tweeness, how wrong I was. I may have to sojourn to the sadomasochistic list just to spare my blushes and recapture my lost innocence. Only to raise my head again at a time when the unbridled element has coaxed this thread to a climax, spent its copious load of debauched narrative and withdrawn forthwith to a more modest pliant position. Hmm, but for the time being I shan�t try and wade against the tide of 'bodily fluid inducing actions' any longer. And to prove it, here is an extremely wee story written in the eighteenth century (believe it or not) which I think will go down quite well with you wicked wicked young scallywags. Well, It made me laugh like an imbecile anyway, and it did instantly turn my thoughts to you my carnally obsessed brothers & sisters: *** The Horse-Chestnut Flower: *** It is alleged, I would not vouch for it, but some learned men assure us that the flower of the horse-chestnut tree definitely possesses the same smell as that abundant seed which it has pleased nature to place within the loins of men for the reproduction of their kind. A young girl of about fifteen, who had never left her father�s house, was walking one day with her mother and a sophisticated Abb� down an avenue of horse-chestnut trees whose flowers filled the air with the scent which we have just taken the liberty to describe. �Oh good gracious, mother, what an odd smell,� said the girl, not realising where it was coming from . . . �what is it, it�s a smell I know.� �Be quiet mademoiselle, don�t make remarks of that kind, I beg you.� �But why not, mother, I don�t see what�s wrong in telling you that I�ve smelt it before, and I definitely have.� �But, mademoiselle . . .� �But, mother, I recognise it, really I do; Monsieur Abb�, tell me, I beg you, what�s wrong in my saying to mother that I recognise that smell?� �Mademoiselle,� said the Abb�, adjusting his jabot and speaking in a piping voice, �there is certainly nothing very wrong in the fact itself; but we are walking beneath horse-chestnut trees and we botanists admit that horse-chestnut flowers . . .� �Well, horse-chestnut flowers . . .?� �Well, mademoiselle, they smell of spunk.� *** Fin *** I hope you liked that, that last line is such a corker, whoever translated it from the original French version must have had a truly sinister edge to them. Well, its competition time folks: the first person to correctly identify the author gets, err, their very own copy of the hit parade of MY ten biggest wanks (~you lucky lucky person you~). Please calm yourselves, try not to kill anyone in the rush to submit the answer, and send it to me, NOT DA� LIST. (phew! This way I avoid the embarrassment of no-one answering it, ha ha hah, err wait a minute, did I say that out loud or just think it? Pants!) au revoir mes petites fleurs, xxx paul xxx "the fey quality was there, the ability to see the moon at midday" _____________________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Free instant messaging and more at http://messenger.yahoo.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+