So erm, this was quite fresh when Ian wrote it. I eventually asked him if he'd mind me passing it on to you lot.

----- Original Message ----- From: "Ian Anscombe" To: <> Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2003 2:36 PM Subject: Lost and found, and lost again - Elliott Smith

...

Lost and found, and lost again - Elliott Smith, a tribute, of sorts.

I never had all your albums.

I never stood, shivering in the cold, outside Wolverhampton Civic, desperately hoping I'd be able to get in to meet you. I haven't done that in a while, since I met Kirsty Maccoll and it didn't go as planned.

I couldn't quote the lyrics to all of your songs.

But I'm sad, today.

I want to turn round to the people in my office and ask them... 'isn't it terrible?'...'have you heard the news?'.... but they would look at me oddly and say 'who?' and go back to their own worlds, where other things matter more.

A friend wrote to me, to talk about it. He said he'd taken you for granted while you were around. I had to agree. We'd been to see you, both of us, on separate occasions. Mine was at Glastonbury, in the year 2000. You were just about to make it big - or big in our terms, those strange, precious terms of those of us who like quiet, sensitive, beautifully strange music just a little bit too much.

I don't remember what you wore. I assume I wore what I wore all weekend. I do remember, though, how the crowd went quiet towards the end as you stood, shyly, in front of us, performing slices of your life for our entertainment. I remember how the words of loss, loneliness and hope moved me and how I encountered unplaceable feelings as the words:

Don't go home Angeline Stay with me Hanging around At the lost and found

Swept out towards me, and into the evening outside, where a festival continued and, beyond that, into a world that lived oblivious to us.

I had your albums on my shelf - below the ever-changing list of favourites - Mercury Rev, Belle and Sebastian, The Aislers Set, The Fieldmice, Galaxie 500 - you were there. If I didn't pay you enough attention it was only because the other distractions were so wonderful, so simultaneously happy-and-sad and achingly beautiful and warm that I couldn't let them go while the love affairs lasted. But I knew you were there. Sometimes, I'd come back to you, think I'd like to see you more, and then not do anything about it.

I was shocked yesterday. You see some things coming - Kurt Cobain made a living out of sounding suicidal. Nina Simone had been dying slowly for years. It seemed better that she went than shuffled on in the deranged, bitter fashion she had adopted. Barry White made me smile, but he never moved me like you did, he was never one of 'mine'. Even pretty little Zac Foley wasn't such a blow - he'd always belonged to my friend Jo. She found him first, and kept him.

But you were a little secret I had to myself. And I realise that's preposterous on one level - anyone who ever sat through 'Good Will Hunting' would have heard your songs - those and the sight of Matt Damon without clothes being the only things that could entice me to sit through it again. You were lauded in the music press, though some of them set you up to knock you down, but that's their way. You were compared to Nick Drake. I saw the comparsion. I didn't know you'd follow it through to its logical extreme.

Part of me wants to say you're stupid. Part of me wants to say look at all the people who struggled to stay alive. Look at Kirsty Maccoll -who gave her life to save her child - who gave it for something important. And you threw yours away, or so it seems.

Incidentally, I mentioned you when Kirsty died. It made me sad, she'd been a favourite once upon a time, but she'd already slipped away. or I had. I mentioned that you were one of my new friends, and I hadn't needed her any more.

I can't say the same this time. So, I took you for granted, but that's what people do. That's how we live, and get through the days. We have too much to think about as it is.

And you never would have noticed if I hadn't. I was just a blip on a sales chart. Nothing important. We only met the once, and I had to share you with several hundred people. We won't meet again, clearly, except when I play those songs, and think of how they made me feel, and how they could make me shiver, and bring a warm, happy sort of aloneness.

So, I won't call you stupid, because I know that isn't true. You did something selfish, but, ultimately, that's your prerogative. I wish it hadn't happened this way. You felt different. You were a little boy who made it big and so many of us who watched you felt the little boys inside us smiling slightly as you grew.

There will be a posthumous album. I'm guessing it will be your biggest yet. You should have stuck around, and seen it through. Now, we'll have to do it for you.

I never had all your albums.

I never stood, in the cold, outside Wolverhampton Civic. Ever since the day I embarrassed myself in front of Kirsty MacColl, I've been wary of meeting my heroes.

I couldn't quote the lyrics to all of your songs.

I never knew you.

I'll miss you. Good luck, wherever you are.

Ian

It still moves me to read Ian's words now. Not a lot you can say after

is there?

The only useful thing I might do is point people in the direction of a favourite Australian singer-songwriter of mine, TIM OXLEY. If at least one good thing could come of ES's death it might be it prompting me to bang on about this guy in Sinister land. I immediately thought ES when I heard one of TO's songs, and indeed he references ES (as well as Bonnie Prince Billy) in his songs on the gorgeous 2002 album 'It's All About Love'. Which does what it says on the label.

I understand said CD to have received the ginger-fox seal of approval too.

check the discussion boards through the Sweet Adeline ES website for

I couldn't find Ian's E.S. obituary [forwarded at the bottom] in the archive, so I'm not sure if it ever got through last December? I wanted to read it again, having thought of Elliott Smith a bit recently, and thankfully found it in an old sent mail folder. His name keeps appearing in my inbox re: this London tribute to which I don't have time to contribute in the organising... there is a fund to donate to though: The Elliott Smith Memorial Fund - financial support for children who are victims of abuse. http://www.sweetadeline.net/esmf.html 888888888888888888 Since people seem to be interested: more Nick Drake stuff : This Saturday the BBC are really going for it- For those I guess mainly in the UK/able to get the digital TV channel BBC4, a film I've missed at various screenings and festivals for a few years now: NICK DRAKE: A SKIN TOO FEW Saturday 22 May 2004 10.55pm-11.45pm BBC 4 http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/music/features/nick-drake.shtml and on the radio + thus available to all online I presume (SEE I DON'T JUST THINK OF THINGS LONDON + UK :) 21:00-2200 Lost Boy: In Search of Nick Drake (presented by Brad Pitt!) http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/r2music/documentaries/nickdrake/nickdrake_about. shtml So erm, set the videos, tape recorders. In fact if you have a DVDR and happen to be not using it and like doing random acts of kindness? Ok, maybe that *is* abusing the list... I probably shouldn't bore you with the fact there is a nick drake single out (yesterday) and album (next monday) worth getting of different stuff and one brand 'new' track. Jim x Ian's words on Elliott Smith follow, and deserve to be archived somewhere *I* think. I hope you don't disagree... (see below) ----- Original Message ----- From: "jim taylor" <> To: <sinister@missprint.org> Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2003 1:15 AM Subject: Fw: Lost and found, and lost again - Elliott Smith that tribute

events if they haven't already happened in you area. I'll try + post when the London tribute event finally gets sorted out.

Jim x

+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+