Dear Sinister, What seems like a very long time ago i used to be d@nnypie on this list. I have spent about half an hour trying to find a way to word this well or good or whatever but i really can't find one so i guess this is it: Some of you may remember amyk*ns/amy l*ngcore. She was also on this list a time ago. She passed away on november 2nd. She died of coronary arterial atherosclerosis which as far as i know and have been told is where the arteries clog and harden, usually in a situation like this theillness leads on to a heart attack or some form of heart failure but with amy it was apparently just the atherosclerosis itself that killed her. Just four or five days before she passed she had really bad chest pains and went to the emergency room, they gave her an ekg, it showed that her heart was fine and they told her it must be acid reflux and sent her home. It obviously wasn't. I have been informed if they had done something called an echo-cardiogram they could have spotted the blockage in her arteries and perhaps could have performed surgery to fix it. That never happened but i have no idea how routine a test it is. Basically i don't know if the hospital was negligent and if this could or should have been prevented and i don't know if my hatred and anger towards them is justified or just because i need to be angry at something. Amy was my partner/fiancee and november the 2nd was exactly one year after i returned from spending the best 3 months of my life with her. A lot of her family and close friends from home believe in god, i am not one of them but if he does exist i really hate his sense of humour. We were getting married early spring of next year and she was moving from the united states so we could live together. I know no-one else knew amy in the same way i did, as far as i know very few people met her in person but i think the people who read her posts and chatted with her on #sinister liked her a great deal. I really don't know what to say about her except she was the most beautiful person i have ever met in every way possible. I wanted to write more about her and how wonderful a person she is but i just can't find words right now. I'm sure anyone who remembers her won't need me to tell them anyway. I am trying to put together a website archive of photo's of her. It might take quite a while because sometimes going through all the photo's is too painful to bear. It will happen at some point soon though. If anyone would like to see these just send me an e-mail and i will send you the website address as soon as it is completed. Please take care everyone, D@nnypie xoxo +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
I know Danny will know all this, as he's heard from me separately, but I always feel it's so important to mark time and loss, and Sinister seems to be being hurt badly recently, with the loss of two lovely people. I knew Amy through the list of course, and through the #sinister chatroom in Sinister's "Amy years" of 2001 and 2002 and she just was a joy: always a lightning bundle of fizzing energy, and so inclusive and kind to all. She was the only Sinister member who apparently made up poems about me in her head while shaving her legs. I never got to hear one, sadly. I don't know what to say without making it sound like an elegy, but, as with Liz, I just feel such an urge to call out to them that they'll not be forgotten. Like Danny and James, I've long ago dropped my fierce teenage clinging to religious belief as a way through, and am still to come to terms with a world where people disappearing makes any sense. Yet, as with everyone who dies, it feels like such a cruel thing to use the past tense and I always pull back from it, as if it's bad grammar or just nonsensical. I still talk and think of my mum in the present, and she was gone before Sinister was even born. I wish she'd been here to meet you all (she'd have loved everything about this list), and I'm sure she'd have mailed you all more frequently than me. Maybe my intuition's trying to tell me something: regardless, there's a candle lit today by my bed, it smells sweet and gentle and it's for you, Amy. Cardamon and orange, if you need to know. Danny, I can tell already from our mails and hearing from your elsewhere that you're strong enough to get through this: or not through, but with this. To all those who knew and loved Amy much better than me, love love. Honey +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
participants (2)
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Danny Farrell -
honey＠missprint.org