ok... will's post made me cry. he's right about the light up on the salisbury crags, how pretty it can be, but it is a sad place too. that area is so pretty, but i always feel a bit sad going near it because of things. death is big and scary but, y'know, it's part of life. that might sound incredibly stupid or whatever but it's true. i know how it feels, to be so completely out of hope and so desperate to end whatever part of life that is bad. it is not a nice place to be. but i think i had to get that low before i could sort my head out and feel better. i mean, there are days when it feels like nothing is going right anymore and i just want to sit down and either sleep or just lie down and look into space all day and night, but you have think about the good things that you have. if you keep focusing on them then the bad things don't seem so... bad. if i was good with words i would make this sound a whole lot better. i agree with jenowl though, about people who boast about trying to kill themselves. i mean, what's the point? you get these people who are like "ooh, i tried to kill myself, feel my inner torture" and i am just like, "it didn't work, why are you so proud of it?". i used to have loads of pen pals, (when i liked a certain band renowned for their, ahem, 4 real fans) and most of them would go on and on and on about how they had a breakdown the other week, or how they feel that the world is against them and without Richey they have no hope and it just made me so angry cos if i had had a breakdown the other week i wouldn't be writing millions of letters about it, i'd be lying down somewhere resting. if you have problems like that, you don't go about boasting about them. well, i dunno, maybe that helps some people. but there was this girl who ionce wrote to, and every letter i got from her was about how she felt like her whole college hated her, she had cut her arms to ribbons, she'd written a suicide not and left it for her mum to find even though she had no intetion (at that point) of killing herself and about how she'd had umpteen nervous breakdowns before the age of twelve. i mean, how many things like that can happen to one 17 year old? i don't mean to sound insensitive but i just didn't know how to help her. sorry for ranting. amy x _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+