Referring to the greek pop scene, I always used the phrase ‘if such a thing exists’. It seems I was wrong, or how else can it be explained that there is –at least- one boy in Manila who knows so much about it, about five times as much as I do. I was very surprised and it took me a while to get round to asking him why he likes these bands ‘They remind me of Sarah Records’, he said; ‘they make me happy inside’. I guessed there were more things he wanted to say but he couldn’t do so in English. Find an example, I wanted to say, but I didn’t. He did nonetheless: he showed me an article and as I started to read it I got excited and told everyone I could find around, and quoted about half of it to Rachel. The article can be found here: http://www.furia.com/twas/twas0210.html , but don’t go and read it and tell me it doesn’t say all the things I think it says, cause I know it. It’s more that it inspired me to those thoughts than that I found those thoughts there. On Saturday I went to lunch with my best friend. It was nice though the conversation was confusing. ‘I say one thing, then proceed to say almost the opposite’, he said in the end. I looked at him: ‘I asked Jef a question – and he couldn’t answer it, but he showed me and article, and the article was supposed to be about Field Mice, but it was about Sarah Records, the label they recorded for, but that’s not important – and it was about how their view of things changed his life, or just fitted into it, how it was his pop dream – but that’s not very important – and he mentioned someone on that label that had committed suicide – but that’s not very important either… What’s important is that in the end he said, music can’t save you if you haven’t decided you’ll be saved. And the conversations with you would lead somewhere more, if you had decided you want to get somewhere’. He replied something I forgot for a few days. Yesterday morning I woke up to find Matt had posted, so I read it, still half-asleep. And still half-asleep, I looked for that article again without really realising it, and I found myself looking at it, too sleepy to read it really. And I thought about how things won’t make you believe in them –they won’t convince you- if you’ve not decided to believe in them. And I wanted to find a good way to say that. A few hours later, making tape covers, I decided I wanted to photocopy something, so I got dressed and went out to walk the 50 meters between my house and the shop, but I bumped into that friend and a friend of his halfway. I run down the street shouting ‘hey little boy’ and even though they know me very well and they know I do stuff like that, and they like it, they looked surprised when they turned around – their usual grumbly selves faced me, smiling and smelling of strawberry chewing gum. I wasn’t ecstatically happy, but the sun was shining and the air was sweet and running down the street is fun, so I was smiling. And for the first few seconds, they stared; and I didn’t remember the article, instead I remembered what my friend had said: ‘you and your friends –he means my internet friends, mostly Rachel and John- were born knowing what you want from life, while me and the people I know still feel we have to question everything’. All I know is I am inclined to believe and I tend to like things. But once I had asked him what Breaking Gods Heart means and he said: Dancing naked in a red forest Falling in love so much you make him jealous Loving your favourite band more than you love him And wanting when you die to live forever in your favourite film and not go to heaven. I made him write it on the back of a photograph (which I seem to have lost). Then he fell asleep (on the floor - well not right afterwards but very soon) and I sat making a tape and thinking we're breaking his (her) heart when we're not as beautiful as we can be. When we're not even trying to be close. And also when we are beautiful and sweet and brave -I think we move him to tears then. I don’t think he doesn’t know; I think he just finds it hard to admit he’s not like most people around him… Cause then, as Ken eloquently remarked, then ‘your friend base is confined to just the people who are tolerant enough to not just dismiss you as being strange, or that they kinda like you as a person’. * He will some day though. Meanwhile, you keep the faith Dimitra xx * Ken is great, he’s insightful and sweet and honest and bouncy. And he smiles a lot. You should love him for that. And naturally, show your love by sending crush votes to pykachu100@hotmail.com ps I would never had written this, or lived the things it talks about, if it hadn't been for Hefner, the Field Mice, Raining Pleasure and naturally Belle and Sebastian. And so I thank them for that. _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. 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