hello sinister. it's funny how the world stops at five in the morning. especially on sundays. i told someone else tonight in a letter about downtown at five a.m. the streets were all wet with rain and the air, i'm afraid to report, is no less thick than it was at 5 p.m. yesterday. i drove slowly, looking out the car windows, wishing that quitting smoking weren't such a chore for me. and tonight i am wearing this bracelet made of cheap white "gems," the kind that sort of look like craft jewels a forty-year-old single woman would glue onto her sponge-painted kitten sweatshirt. big rectangles with clear jewels of plastic and a sliver backing to make them shiny. you get the picture. and it was shining in the soft haze of the streetlights and early, early dawn, and i smiled a little for the first time all day. i thought that if it were not sunday, and if i were wearing a long, black dress and long, black gloves, i would head down to the donut shop on the corner of 17th and Q and buy a cup of coffee and a sweet. and i would find a window downtown with something in it. clothes or jewelry or music. and i would eat my breakfast there, waiting for the chorus of moon river to chime in, reminding me that this is all just a picture anyway. it isn't real. but it is real. it really is happening. i am ok. i'll be ok. the doctors just have to figure out what's wrong. and then i have to remember what it's like to be happy, and how to go about feeling that way again. *** people have said nice things to me lately. thank you for that. and if i owe any of you emails (sara, i KNOW i owe you some, along with that damn parcel that keeps slipping away from me), i promise i shall try to stay out of hospitals and things this week and write to you fine people. love, lou xo. ------------------ THE FOLLOWING IS AN ADVERT FOR EXCELLENCE: never learned how to ride a bike? merely flailed helplessy in a chlorine-laced pool when trying to learn to swim? come to Camp Kids Who Gave Up 2002, sponsored by lindsey baker, dave snyder and conor oberst to learn to ride and swim like nobody's business! while you're temporarily residing on our beautiful, secluded island paradise camp, enjoy lessons from friendly guest instructors such as mandee wright and listen to a different live band every night (we feature saddle creek gems and omaha rapists)! dating lindsey is also an available option, so long as conor is off-island. SIGN UP TODAY!!! _________________________________________________________________ Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+