Amazing how hard one week can be. Equally amazing is the immediate change in personality one goes through. One day, I was happy and excited, writing letters because television offered no entertainment and reading about lead-based paint hazards was not at all intriguing. Then the next, I spent shaking, trying to remember what numbers I had, where I had them, and how if unable to call I would find people, especially 3000 miles away. With frantic phone calls into friends, I learned that two were fine and their families were fine. Then I learned that my best friend's mother was six blocks away and saw it all. I want to be in Brooklyn with her right now to hug her and really just cry with her because I am haunted without seeing it actually happen. And now, four days after calling frantically, my friends are slowly telling us that they are okay. And all I have wanted to do is fly to New York to help. It still seems so foreign and removed. Planes flying into skyscrapers just doesn't happen. It is as if we are all forced to live in some terrible disaster movie where the disaster doesn't stop when someone screams "Cut!" Tired from worry, but not fear. Fear only hit me last night as I left the East Bay and drove along Interstate 80 to Sacramento. Suddenly, I realized that it might not be over. Driving home brought me back to some sort of perspective. I saw people on the overpasses with flags and candles and wanted to explain why I wasn't with them, that at that exact moment, all I wanted was to see my family, so instead of stopping I waved. Now that I am home, all I want to do is something. It doesn't need to be important or in anyway profound. Maybe I will visit a record store and just stay for awhile walking around searching. My sister and I considered a movie, but aside from fatigue, I think I am afraid that I will miss something. I never thought my life would change in a day. I never thought I would be able to care so much about strangers as I pass them in the store. Anyway, I think I am going to go wander about collecting thoughts. I send my best wishes to all. Marikka. Oh, if anyone is a Yale alum and/or looking for others go to www.yaleherald.com/safe. And the Belle and Sebastian shows in SF were fabulous except for when I nearly fainted Sunday night and had to run outside for air. __________________________________________________ Terrorist Attacks on U.S. - How can you help? Donate cash, emergency relief information http://dailynews.yahoo.com/fc/US/Emergency_Information/ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+