Many thanks to whomever supplied me with my subject line a few weeks ago . . . So the other evening I was talking to this woman that I work with, outside of work on the telephone, because she had hit on me in the most aggressive of ways the prior day at work, and I was attempting to explain a bit about myself to her, as people often do on those first phone calls when you're each feeling the other person out to see if an actual face-to-face outside-of-work meeting (a.k.a. 'a date') is warranted, and I kept coming up short on one point. (How's that for a confusing run-on? Go ahead, read it again, absorb it, the rest will be there for you when you've finished. . . ) See, she was in a state of disbelief about the fact that I haven't dated in four months, which isn't a long time in my book really, and I was trying my best to explain why I don't find such a dry spell to be disheartening at all. I kept searching for the proper words to describe how I feel about the subject, and during my quest, I stated that I'm an only child, so being alone doesn't bother me, that I just don't feel like going out these days, that maybe the winter's lack of sun has got me down a bit, etc., but none of those reasons were really true, and although she didn't know they weren't true, I did, and it bothered me. I began thinking about it tonight again, as I was sitting home alone all evening, eating dinner, watching a movie, doing some light cleaning, all the while longing for someone to do all of these things with, or better yet, to be doing things outside of my apartment with some special girl. I was feeling quite the hypocrite, wishing that I could be out somewhere, or in even, but wishing I was in the company of an attractive woman whom I could share a Chianti with, and hold, and touch, and smell, when I had turned down an attractive woman for a date just yesterday. This woman is attractive, yes, but no one that I'd be interested in having a long term some-thing-or-another with. I still could have used her to fill the space temporarily at least, why didn't I? This was my dilemma. Then it struck me, the words with which I can express how I feel: I would rather be home alone, yearning to be with the woman of my dreams than out with another woman knowing that she was only a temporary substitute. This may strike you as odd, seeing as it's difficult for one to meet the woman of his dreams whilst sitting at home, so here's where I say that I do go out with friends to the bars and places of that ilk often enough, and I know that it's possible to meet the woman of my dreams in a rather passive manner, because I've met two in my life who've come damn close, well, that leads me to believe that it's possible anyway. I'm not sure I really KNOW anything. So, my point is, because I'm sure you're wondering if you've read this far, that I'm pleased to have realized that I'm secure enough in my own company to wait for someone to come along whose company is truly better, that I don't have to always have someone else here to make me feel comfortable about myself. I hope the same sort of peace for all of you. . . This was my first post. Apologies for it's length. You all seem to be lovely individuals, Chris +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+