Sometimes in life things seem as clear as anything… I'm not sure I can really understand that at the moment though I'm sure I felt that way a day or two ago… I mean don't get the impression I am saying I am unhappy this is not a feeling a long those lines by any means… It is just the realisation that things aren't exactly clear at this moment in time… I am not dissatisfied or wishing for change… merely saying that as I sit here alone …my brain races in a way which will not allow me time to myself… I think I might be waiting for something… but then again probably not… Like I implied at the beginning of this letter things can be clear at times… not in a big way… not in a way that I know I am going in the right direction in my life or I have any real feeling about the future… But the feeling of being in a situation which is right for a specific time… Fleeting moments… moments easily broken… precious parts of my life …things which no matter how much I long to repeat are impossible to recreate even in memory… Slacking off in work… Something I am too good at… A natural daydreamer I can sit for an hour or two pretending to read quite convincingly… watching the sky change colour… and white sea gulls circling on a deep purple background… Now that really is a good time to sit and think… My thoughts come to me thick and fast… e-mails and conversations are composed in my head… none of this stuttering nonsense … there is a curious calmness at a times like that… A true story with a sad ending… I was on a train going home… sitting watching the scenery change thinking thoughts and looking at my fellow passengers wondering if any them have certain tune running through their head … I was calm with a certain contradictory restlessness… I had a day off... the sun was bright as I sat in a carriage by myself… but was wanting more from this moment… The landscape had been decorated by a thick covering off snow… "fox in the snow" played in my head I was hopeful there might really be a fox to join this chocolate box picture… The train filled up at the next station… it all got a little noisy… by the next station the train was full… I no longer possessed a single connected thought… At the height of the disorder … both within the train and deep in my head … I looked down at the track to see a trace of brown fur speckled by snow… For some reason things were clear and still at that moment… _________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+