it's only 9 o'clock and so far this morning i have found an eyelash (not mine) in my danish pastry and have started to feel irrationally annoyed with isobel campbell. (these two things are not connected.) i can't really read posts which report back from gigs, i've found. i don't know why. maybe it's because a b&s show makes such a strong impression on me when i've directly experienced it, and i don't want to experience it second-hand. so, i guess i am dooming myself to skim-reading a large proportion of the coming posts and probably missing out on some really good jokes and stuff... i did read a post from matthew 'nouveau rock god' henderson about b&s tattoos - it would be just toooooo cringe-worthy to get any kind of tweepop themed tat, but if you did then the bus drawing, or the little boy with one finger up, are the best candidates i think. david went to see joe pernice and i wondered for the nth time if i will ever get to see him over here. sigh. it's only fair - we are exporting b&s after all. oh, and as for the truth about gay sex, it remains, i fear, beknown only to... actual gay people. as the participants in that programme were surely computer generated by a state-of-the-art stereotype machine. yesterday was a very interesting day. i wasn't really expecting a response to my note, as i couldn't imagine ian having the nous to work out who it was from. and i certainly wasn't expecting the response i got. at about midnight on tuesday night there was a heavy knocking at my door, and thinking that anyone who wouldn't use a perfectly good doorbell was obviously a couple of red bulls short of the full chu, i cautiously peeked out of my window. imagine my surprise when i recognised the gleaming bald head and leather tutu of george, an old friend from my days as coat check girl at 'torture garden' in brighton! i ran downstairs and let him (and the 3 young boys he had coiled around him) in. i made them all a cup of tea (george has given up the habit of taking his with goat blood, which was lucky as i was fresh out) and asked him what he was up to. 'well, i wouldn't expect you to know much about it, but it's all the internet for me these days. i'm raking it in.' 'oh yes?' i said. 'is it some site like friends reunited?' 'er.. not as such. more like strangers... bonding.' 'oh, like the sinister list?' once george had stopped laughing he told me what his line of business actually was. the boys gave me a quick demo of the merchandise they've just started selling online, and i ended up agreeing to buy a liquorice flavour whip and a pot of Crisco. finally i remembered to ask what they were actually doing round at my house. 'well', said george, 'it was the strangest thing. this guy phoned up for our thrills-on-wheels, in your own home service, as you do. but he was clearly drunk, raving about southern belles and covering them in desserts... or something. i was a bit surprised when he gave *your* address, but figured that after all, you'd had some pretty dodgy boyfriends in the past and maybe this was just another one trying to give you a nice present. oh, and he said he wanted eggs to be involved somewhere.' i couldn't believe it! what was ian's game? was he trying to get on my good side by offering me 24 hours of free sex games with some really very attractive, oiled young men? it seemed uncharacteristic. but then again, how could i expect sensible measures from a man who kept a nun tied up in his laundry room and had 1600 imaginary friends whom he regularly involved in his absinthe-fuelled fantasies? i decided to go with the flow, draw the curtains and surrender myself to the expert attentions of george and his acolytes. by wednesday afternoon i had learned several interesting uses for a dustbuster, but still had no idea what to do about ian. maybe i should just bide my time. after all, there is surely nothing his feeble mind could throw at me that i couldn't handle... luv archel xxx ****************** Visit www.buzzwords.ndo.co.uk for the best new writing on the web. Email submissions to buzzwords@bigfoot.com +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+