Okay kids, you asked for it. Here are my TOP TEN BELLE AND SEBASTIANS: 1. Johann Sebastian Bach: During my GCSE music examination we were required to listen to pieces of classical music and identify them as Baroque, Classical, Romantic or Modern. The Baroque one was by JS Bach. The Modern one featured a wind machine. Call this an exam? Kids these days don't know they're born etc. etc. yawn yawn. JS Bach is famous for writing the theme music for The Antiques Roadshow, a Rock Opera featuring Hugh Scully as the Electric Gymnast. 2. La Belle Epoch: During which the French invented the bicycle, the beret, the stripey jumper and the stupidly long loaf of bread. Before these extraordinary advances, France had merely been known as "South Belgium". 3. John Sebastian: Lead singer with the Lovin' Spoonful, John was also the inventor of the Troob pedal, designed to make your guitar "sound like a baby". 4. Saint Sebastian: And Lo! he was attacked by arrowse, but he was okay cos he was a saint. Or perhaps he was Batfink in disguise. Ah, they never thought of that did they? The whole of world religion perishes before my keen mind. 5. Belle the big soggy dog: In the television programme "Belle and Sebastian", Belle was a big soggy dog and Sebastian was a humble accountant, trying to balance the books while Belle nibbled on his biros and shat in his bottom drawer. The name "Belle and Sebastian" was later adopted by a pop group, who used to do much the same thing. 6. Sebastian Coe: When I was young I used to get confused between Sebastian Coe, Linford Christie and Steve Cramps, because my sister had told me "oh, Sebastian Coe's the one with the yellow shoes. It took me ages to realise they *all* had yellow shoes. Sebastian Coe is now a Lord. If you're ever in Westminster, he's the one wearing the yellow shoes. 7. Belle de Jour: A film in which we get to see Catherine Deneuve's lovely bottom. I can't remember much else about it, really. 8. Mini Baby Bel: Official cheese of Captain Scott's expedition to the South Pole, the Mini Baby Bel has the advantage of being able to be used as a candle due to it being mostly composed from wax. Of course, Scott hadn't banked on cheese being the favourite food of the Husky dog, thus causing catastrophe after his dogs scoffed the lot then ran about sniffing each other's bottoms. Thus the expedition was DOOMED, as the only food left was cream crackers, rendered inedible due to the lack of cheese. 9. Sebastian Forks: An author who wrote a book called Birdsong about a sparrow who loses his hat and sings a sad sad song. 10. Bell End: Situated near to that wonderful town of Kidderminster, this village provided a popular destination for girls at my school who often confessed to going down there at the weekend. If the girl's boyfriend was lucky, she might take him on a short trip to Lickey End. See: http://www.multimap.com/map/browse.cgi?client=public&X=390000.794068583&Y=275000.6804016&width=500&height=300&gride=&gridn=&srec=0&coordsys=gb&db=freegaz&addr1=&addr2=&addr3=&pc=&advanced=&local=&localinfosel=&kw=&inmap=&table=&ovtype=&zm=0&scale=100000&right.x=6&right.y=97 Well, that's enough of that. I'm off to put my red underpants in the wash. Toodle-oo Robin x +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+