Afternoon dreamers and thinkers, After much hesitation and thought I've finally brought myself to at least attempt a first time in a long time post. For those of you who don't know me, which I imagine is just about everyone on the list that doesn't frequent #sinister, my name's Justin. I don't post for the same reason most people don't post: although I have many beautiful concepts and thoughts floating through my head at any one given moment, putting them into words is a task to which I rarely feel prepared. Even now, I am fully aware that I am just tip-toeing word to word, hoping that a mosaic is being created before my blind eyes...all the while knowing it will be nothing of the sort. Every now and then I get the notion that the key lies in being able to communicate exactly what one is thinking at the moment, and not what may have been stirring around in one's head an hour or day before. That of course is highly relative. Another reason I don't post is that I have fallen a little back in my B&S listenings. The feeling, you know, is still very much there...just nothing tangible at the moment. Because of that, this will probably be my last post for another, what 5 months or so? I just don't have anything new to say about our boys/girl, and I can't seem to muster the creativity to expound on any of the subjects spinning around lately (depression, sexual preference, etc.). That brought me to thinking about the nature of creativity, which I won't go off on, but I only get the desire to post when I feel "divinely" inspired. However, I find myself confronted with a double-edged sword in the sense that once I feel inspired, when I sit down to communicate that eternal feeling associated with listening to well crafted music...I draw a blank. Nothing I might say could even communicate one-twentieth of what I'm feeling. I know there is no conceivable way that I am the only one on the list to experience this, but I may be one of the only ones who can't seem to overcome it. For example, last night I was laying on my couch listening to Mojave 3, and all of a sudden I had an insight into the essence of our world. And by "our world", I mean the world of those of us not only on sinister but the world of anyone who feels like music is simultaneously a healing process, a time-capturing device (I always feel like albums encapsulate certain times in my life), a magical event (at times), and an unknowable evoker of other-worldly emotions. These traits are obviously few out of a million, but you understand what I'm saying. Well the insight I had wasn't something I could reason out or really even comprehend fully, but it was a definite feeling. And without wanting to sound overtly idealistic or naive, the feeling was love. No matter what kind of song I'm listening to (as long as it is one I like), the mood it conveys is just an off-shade of love, even if it is the most depressing song I've ever heard. To me, love is an all encompassing emotion that has been almost irreparably bastardized by misinterpretation and misuse. I really hope I'm making at least a sliver of sense, because this is rather hard. This is not something that I can communicate well, but if I didn't at least try I don't think I could live with myself. I guess the bottom line of what I am trying to say is, music is perhaps the only device I have for experiencing my humanity. It is the only device I have for feeling at one with all that exists. I wouldn't want to live if music didn't exist, and I don't say that out of haste or assumption. I know it is true without hesitation. I also regret having to sound dramatic, but I guess I'm a bit desperate. Well, that's enough out of me for awhile kids...if anyone wants to continue this "conversation" privately I would absolutely love to, but otherwise this may be the last you hear from me in awhile. I will still however continue to enjoy the wonderful works of prose that you kids put out daily. I just want to say thanks to all of you. You're my people and although I don't interact with you that often, I wouldn't be the same without you. Right, take care everyone... Justin xo "My mother was a tight knot, Bound up with false guilt. Strapped up in her fearing A wall she had built An independent girl in a dark and cruel world, She lost the way to say 'ok, now lay back' "We disagreed on most things. I shouted peace and love, the family of mankind, the symbol of the dove... She only saw the surface of things before her face, But I was young and argued on for hours." - Donovan, Age of Treason +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+