Hewwo, I never can decide if I like children or not. I like the ones that don't try and be mini growedups. But I don't like the ones who are too old for dolls at 7, wear make up at 8, get unsquared at 9 to a 12 year old with a low mental age, have their first suicide attempt at 10 and their first abortion by 11. The pixies in my room have been acting up again. I was playing my guitar, and suddenly my goldfish told me it needed fed so I said can't you wait and it said no and i said ok, and I put my pink plectrum down on the bed and fed bubbles and he said thank you and then I turned back around and the pixies had taken the plectrum. So I looked around for it for 15 minutes because its my best plectrum, before I started to get really annoyed, because you can't just take things without asking and pixies couldn't even use my plectrum on account of them being so small and invisible. Eventually though I gave up, and decided to brush my hair instead. So I opened my drawer to get my purple hairbrush and you'll never believe what was sitting there. My pink plectrum. But the point is i left it on the bed so the pixies either slipped up or they wanted me to know they were there and they were laughing at me. But I don't think there were hard feelings even though I yelled at them and tried to trap them in a bit of paper. Maybe they're not invisible really, maybe they're purple and you just can't see them because everything else in my room is purple. I got full marks for my english essay and its the second time in a row, and there was this yah boy bragging about his full marks and saying no one would beat it and then I told him I had and his face was funny. My fish tried to kill himself the other week. I was changing his water and he jumped right out of the net and down the back of my chest of drawers and i had to move them out only they were really heavy and it took me ages and I was so worried that he would be dead because I love my fish more than anything in the world but in the end he was ok i think. I got really hysterical when it happened though, I was so worried for him, and then afterwards I cried and cried because if he's so unhappy he wants to kill himself then it must mean he hates living with me and even my friend ingrid who is mental said that he must hate me, but then someone told me that fish just do that, and they aren't intelligent enough to get depressed but my fish is really special. How many fish do you know that talk? Toy Stephen said a whole lot of really depressing stuff about being mental which I skipped and then: << She turned up on the doorstep with my gift -- a bottle of Prozac. She smiled willfully, proud of herself, & I brightened. Now I think I was happy just to admit (however symbolically) to someone that things didnt feel right. She left, I rushed into my room, shut the door, and opened the bottle. The usage instructions were curled and stuft under the cap. I poured the pieces into my hand -- and looked at a palmful of rainbow Skittle candies.>> And I think that, in most ways, Skittles are better than Prozac. Because they work on so many more levels. There's the smell which is so exciting, they smell like rainbow, and the colours which make you feel all happy that someone went to all the trouble to make them look so pretty when all you're going to do is eat them, and the fact that when you scoop lots up in your hands they rattle and feel all smooth, and you can choose whether you pick out the colours you like best or take pot luck, or put loads in your mouth at once or not, and you get dye all over your fingers and sometimes your tongue goes all rainbowy and they taste nice too. But the point is they're cheerful and not in an irritating way but in the kind of way that if you have them you have to join in with the cheerfulness and they make you be cheered up, and because its the kind of cheerfulness that makes you see good things about the world, you don't feel empty like you might if you took a drug. There's other stuff that's better than Prozac too like trees and purple and my fish and looking at barbie dolls in shops and ribena and the chocolate fish out of ben and jerry's fish food and when someone tells you they want to be like you and my inpending spider of wonder and magic. And if there's nothing good at all in your life then you're just lying because you can take two steps outside and I bet you can spot at least 10 amazing things from where you're standing. Oh and there's music too, and I don't mean bands that feel your pain man, I mean bands that make your pain go away, and tell you things can be ok and that you should bounce. You can cry, just don't do it all the time, it gets irritating. I have an interview for university on Tuesday. For dentistry in Dundee. I want to be a dentist because I like teeth, and I don't want to be anything else, but I'm very nervous because it's also my first choice uni and I really really want to leave home and catholic school and go somewhere where I probably won't get a kicking and I can even be what I always wanted to be. But I have to make them want me there and I don't know if I can do that. I went for my mock interview at school and they said I was crap and unknowledgable. Damn, that wasn't what I was trying to sound like. Ooh, it's Valentines Day soon. I'm looking forward to it because I have a date (*sticks tongue out*) and I'm going for a meal and everything. And not only that, he's flying up from England especially and im wearing a denim skirt and and and and and and and wait for it, on the 16th I'm getting my spider yay woo and other glad sounding words. I still don't know what I'm calling her though. Someone called me darling and said "love ya babe" to me. Ingrid keeps trying to make me feel guilty about eating meat, even though I've already pointed out that, being vegetarian, I don't do that. And for drinking milk, although I do that, and I don't care that it's supposed to have pus in, it tastes nice and it's good for my teeth and it goes in ben and jerry's ice cream. hugs, Jen +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. 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