I'd love to post something about shag albums but what the hell do i know about shagging. I can say I always get excited when I hear the theme to Grandstand so my old BBC sporting themes album would probably be a first choice - imagine making out to the Horse of the Year show music or Rugby Special (with the voice of Bill McLaren in your head whispering - "Och the young lad's an absolute monster in the tackle department..."). And if you wanted to prolong the 'pleasure' you could use the theme to the golf to give you something boring to think about. Of course if I ever was likely to do any of that shagging I've heard all about the last thing on my mind would be "better put on some music". I'd be too busy thinking "Socks on or off??". Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. Anyhow there has been some talk of B&S and Leadership skills. And this gave me a fab money spinning idea to run past the folks at Jeepster. The Belle And Sebastian Executive Leadership training weekend!! Day 1 10.30 Registration at the Church Hall. Delegates must hand over their briefcases and receive a stuffed toy from Seargents Campbell and Martin. 11- 1 Working in a village shop. Delegates are given a fixed number of posters to put up. The purpose of this exercise to get normally focussed managers to day-dream on the job. Special commendations for the most elaborate fantasy world and any that involve aforementioned stuffed animal. Light Lunch 2-3.30pm Scream therapy. Colour-Seargent Colbourn wanders around with a placard saying "Business World" on it. Delegates are encouraged to boo and hiss and work out their unresolved professional tensions. 3.30 - 5 Cross Country Obstacle course. After a short address from Gunner Cooke who puts on a Windsor Davies voice and assures delegates many of them may not return and that he is a real man and they is a bunch of poofs, delegates must construct a dog on wheels from items found laying around the church hall and guide it around the playground. They must disregard the sorties of enemy partisans (Colonel David) who forcefully informs them that there efforts are "pish" and "he's off". Early Night Day2 9.00 am Regimental Drill Seargent (Me-and-the) Major "Howlin' Mad" Murdoch wakes delegates with a cup a tea and the hope that they slept well. 10.00 am Board bus for town centre. (it's only a mile and a half but it does take a long time) 10.30 - 11. Table Turning in Marks and Spencers Delegates must be quick on their feet. Rather than the traditional business skills of of blaming other people, delegates will be encouraged to take responsible if the security guards do seem to care. 11 - 12 Riding city buses. Delegates must draw pretty patterns in the windows and thus unleash their creativity. Over lunch the newly promoted Admiral Geddes and Wing-Commander Jackson will explain the final challenge. Delegates will be split into teams and lead down to the banks of the River Kelvin. One member from each team will be zipped into a Lord Anthony parka with pencils stuffed into the sleeve pockets rendering him/her unable to look left or right up or down or bend their arms. His/her colleagues must then guide them over a narrow plank using a stylophone and Serge Gainsbourg songs. Absolute trust in the abilities of your team is crucial to the success of this mission. Once across the river the delegate must pick up an Arab Strap and be instructed to put it on by his/her team. Photographs are then taken and sold to fetish magazines. The team that makes the most money wins! Any further suggestions for activites welcome. xx John PS Trousers - got the book - THANK YOUxxxx +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list please mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". For list archives and searching, list rules, FAQ, poor jokes etc, see http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +---+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" +---+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+