hello my lovelies, um, this is going to be the usual boring marcus post - a bit of paranoia, a bit of weird sexual perversion, a bit of cyber-fellation of the immaculately dressed geoff... the normal. so if you find my posts dull beyond belief, which i think most of you probably do, hit delete. ok, now assuming anyone's still with me, i'll start with a bit of good news. i'm going off to see cypriot-sinister natasha in two days! yippee! and what's more, i'll be flying through the eclipse - none of this crap faffing around on some hill in cornwall while wishing that the clouds/ crowds would go away - i'll be way above them both. but... i need some help. which side of the plane should i try to get a window seat on, if i'm flying from gatwick to cyprus? any astronomers out there who can help me on this one? of course, even though i intend to get to the airport at 6:30 am for my 9:15 am flight (it's a charter, so make that 9:15 pm), all the window seats'll be taken, and i'll be stuck in between derek and leeroy, both of whom have had sweets and coke for breakfast and are keen to throw up all over the ponce in between them in the middle of the aisle, while mummy tracy and daddy liam look on proudly. so it goes. unfortunately, being in cyprus with natasha will mean that both of us miss seeing mark 'fingering the groove(rider)' casarotto dj-ing. but we'll be there in spirit - we'll be that couple being antisocial and snogging in the corner. wow. geoff's fit. go look at his picture, and vote away. oh yes... the link is... http://www.majordomo.net/sinister/cgi-local/photo.cgi?gallery=people&photo=Geoff ooooohhhh..... right, enough of that - there's only so much adulation a man (but what a man...) can take. colin campbell decided:

to start stalking miss Ricci, coz I am the sort of sick depraved person who sits through a film such as, for example, the addams family values, all the time thinking of how fantastic wednesday's boobs have become.

i once had a girlfriend who had a stalker. it was really weird - she got fifty red roses every day for about two weeks, and assumed they were all from me, and so she was in a good mood with me :). but then she mentioned them and i said 'what roses?' and she got a letter from a mad russian saying that he was the son of king david and the queen of sheba (why not?), and that all americans were 'somdomites' (obviously the marquis of queensbury's influence extends so far as chechnya) and 'paedophoiliacs', and that he wanted to 'not only posess your body, or your mind, but your ETERNAL SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!' hmm... so i laughed at this, but stopped laughing when (a) she betrayed me and gave someone else a bj while i was in the house (b) the stalker turned up at the school we were attending in prague and looked at me in a harrowing way (he'd followed her around, and so thought i was still her boyfriend), before playing around inside his inside jacket pocket as if he had a gun there... oh yes, i stopped laughing pretty fucking quick. but then he got extradited, and everyone was happy. except for him, of course, because his 'pure swedish bride and queen, whose eyes are oceons' was sleeping with a 'somdomite and paedophiliac'. i think colin would have been a better stalker though - guns are *so* passe. axes are much cooler now... anyway, the ever-hilarious kevan told colin to:

never fall for a child star

i don't know if claire danes counts as a 'child star', but i fell for her after watching romeo and juliet. so much so that i gave up wanking for about three months, so that i'd be saving it all up for when we started going out... but then i saw she'd lost her beautiful hair, and died it strawberry blonde, and i returned to the five finger shuffle pretty damn sharpish. i don't think she's going to grow up to be kula shaker though... but then again, i don't think she'll ever be as cute as mr mills... am i alone on this one? anyway, when i was a child star (security video for NEXT (british clothing chain shop); shop lifting cub scout in P!O!P! video for 'the band of holy joy') i had my second ever crush - kylie minogue. i would have married charleen at ten, and i cried when she married scott instead. but he turned out to be gay, didn't he? or was that joseph and the technicolour dreamcoat? anyway, ever since my nanny introduced me to ramsey street at the tender age of nine, its inhabitants have been my dearest friends... i dream about them almost nightly, and talk to anne and billy all the time. and now they're moving in! rather risque for suburban erinsborough, but... well, the youth of today... am i the only person sad enough to converse with the characters in a soap opera? or are other sinisteroonies as sad as me? my first ever crush, incidentally, was cheetarah from thundercats. i used to dream about snogging her when i was eight, and playing with her tail... bisexuality surfaces in unusual ways at that age, no? and that orange leotard... mmm... she-ra was a bit of all right too, wasn't she? when i got the toy the first thing i did was look up her dress... right, i think i've scared you all off by now, so i'll crawl off back to my corner again... but first i'll go to http://cgi.pathfinder.com/time/time100/poc/century.html and vote for stuart murdoch once (no, 100 times) again. come on, everyone who's bored at work - we can easily get in 12000 votes and put him higher on the list than princess di... you know it makes sense... love to all, as ever, Marcus XXX ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+