I wish someone would invent an e-mail program that automatically started each message with an apology. Sorry to the people I owe replies to, I'm so busy I haven't even got time to mop up my nocturnal emissions.

Girls! When you have a wank, do you sit on your hand until it goes numb first, so it feels like someone else is doing it? I'm just

to work out what's so incredibly complex about it, I mean, a wank's a wank's a wank's a wank, isn't it? From the sound of things, and at

-----Original Message----- De: nexus99 <nexus99@arrakis.es> Para: B&S mailing list <sinister@majordomo.net> Fecha: miércoles 4 de agosto de 1999 17:34 Asunto: Stop! Look What You're Doing to Me trying the

risk of causing a major wool shortage, I reckon some of you girls would be well advised to take up knitting.

Roger Daltrey wanks trouts off, you know. What he does, he puts his red indian outfit on and then he gets a bucket of water, and then he wanks a lady trout off until a big load of eggs comes spurting out (because that's what happens when girls have a wank) into the water in his bucket, then he wanks off a boy trout until it shoots its load into the bucket, and then he mixes it all up with his microphone until it's a nice thick creamy slobberdosh texture. Then he swings his microphone around his head like a lassoo to get rid of the excess spunk. Then he takes the bucket to a special high tech trout incubation unit and puts it inside a kind of hairdryer unit with needles, like the one from "Tommy", and leaves it until all the baby trouts hatch out. And there you have it, Bob's your uncle.

I looked in my WHO book yesterday, to se if there was any mention of "Lightning Jack" ("a comedy about two outlaws who just wanted to be wanted") , but there wasn't, so I looked up Roger Daltrey on the highly impressive Internet Movie Database. Check it out at: http://us.imdb.com/Name?Daltrey,+Roger Well, I think that's the right address, but it hasn't gone a nice purple colour, so it might be wrong. Anyway, there's loads of films with Roger in, including the upcoming George Best biopic "Best", which should be fantastic. Roger plays Rodney Marsh. Ian Hart plays Nobby Stiles. I like him. Patsy Kensit plays George's long-suffering wife, probably the one he stole a fur coat for. Just when you least expect it, just what you least expect. I hope the Hibs years are given a thorough going over.

My only B&S content is to point out that there's no sign of Tigermilk in the shops round here. Good job I've got a vinyl one. Bad job I haven't got a record player.

Doctor Mitchell, I don't know if you've heard, but there's an eclipse of the sun next week.

Ooon, I don't know if you've heard, but Thailand is completely flooded. I think the jazz-mad King must have gone a bit doolally with his new rain-making plane.

Peter

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