(yes, jeff beck. its a wolverhampton thing) hullo...its me.. i think... yes..two lines into the mail and i'm incoherent already. well, it seems that nothing much changes... its been a right funny few days and no mistake... i return from london to find a strange message on my answering machine..a suppressed whine, followed by a half-screamed phrase and then a gurgle. after a few listens, we decided the phrase was "help me". on subsequent plays, it sounded more like "hold me". well, what the buggery bollocks am i supposed to do with that sort of message? i can't go out holding everyone i meet, just incase, can i? i asked some people at the bus stop this morning if they had been leaving messages on my machine, and if they wanted me to hold them. a lot of them moved away, muttering things about viagra.. so i've decided i'm just going to hold certain people and hope that one of them is the mystery speaker. and if it seems coincidental that they're all sweet faced young lads then i'm afraid thats one of the mysterious ways of the universe... oh...that wasn't what i meant to say at all. from where i'm sitting, rain, falling against the lonely appartment has set my mind to nonsense.. so.. i had a fun weekend. big hugs to jim taylor for agreeing to put up three virtual strangers, i remember meeting lots of groovy people, although i wish you hadn't all been so blurred. sorry to anyone i dribbled on excessively. lucy, yes i'm afraid you did introduce your rabbit to all and sundry. what is worse, you encouraged me to do the same. okay, i didn't need all that much encouragement. strange that i'm more willing to go up to someone, shove a yellow rabbit in their face and say "have you met horace?" than i am to go up and say "hello, i'm ian"... so, onto other things...last night i met my stalker. i keep telling him to go away, back to liz hurley and andie macdowell and that little flat in notting hill but it seems that my words fall on deaf ears. he is even now leaning on a lampost at the corner of the street, flicking a cigarette lighter nonchalantly and eyeing my window from under a fedora hat. i've told him i have no intention of covering him in sunpat crunchy and allowing my cats to lick it off, i've told him i'm not into stilettoes, and even if i was, i wouldn't agree to put them THERE... no response. what should i do? it seems that the attractions of hollywood are nothing compared to the lights of oaklands road.. oh...that wasn't what i meant to say at all.. pete said the following:

Mr. James Herriot again. I thought for a short while of trying to apologise for my previously drunken behaviour at the Saint Trinians night, but I didn't, for one reason. Have you any idea how hard it is to keep a straight face when you're sitting next to someone who:

a) is dead, dead, famous b) met you last when you had "SLUT" written in lipstick on your forehead, and c) has been seen by Ian having rampant anal sex with an Orang-utan??

Finally, list crush. Do you know what it's like to never have been even

actually, it was three orang utans, a milk float, and rolf harris. i didn't want to watch but i found myself unable to look away. and all i'm saying was...rolf was bottom.. you'd never have guessed what that man can do with his beard. (and no, i'm not talking about the one on his face) Georgie said: LOVE AND WOLVERHAMPTON TOWN wolverhampton town? are you actually from the fair isle of wolvo? and is there anyone else out there from the west mids? Rob opined: thought of as a >suggestion for a half baked nomination on the list crush site? Can you imagine such a >thing? The anguish? The ignominy poor rob. i too have been overlooked. it seems, my friend, that we are mere whispers in the thrash metal concerto that is the story of sinister. what should we do about this? something occurrs to me...to become famous in these parts you have to have a clever name. "ian" has always served marvellously, until now. but how can it compete with the likes of "paula cullen booze explosion" and "carsmile steve"...? i suddenly feel inadequate in my lack of syllables...what to be done? i am even now trying to think of a dastardly clever name..but so far, i have only come up with the following: ianianianianian (not tres exciting) IANIANIANIANIAN (a bit loud) zaleoalaoieanian (kinda exotic...yeah!) suddenly i feel tired. i think i've typed too many capitals. so..three letters no more....me and my new identity are off to bed.. zaleoalaoieanian ---------------------------- "monsieur, i am a countess. i demand to be chained to a nicer wall" +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+