(Reporting back...) On sinister's 5th Birthday Auntie Sadie brought the adorable 5 year old a great big present inside a great big box! Inside it was something pretty sepecial - it was a camcorder that's shaped like a pen! What's more, instead of battery powered, it eats up ink like there's no tomorrow. And that was just after I bought 16 batteries for a quid on Tottenham Court Road - it was okay though, because a boy had nipped down to WHSmith's and got some ink in time to make a film. I plugged the tape into the player and turned on the telly and gasp! It was porno! Then I realised that I put in "Star Trek - the next penetration" tape in by accident. So instead I put in the Sinister tape into the recorder, and GASP! It was porno! Just after I pressed play, I was greeted by a naked young man putting on a pair of Spiderman pants! Not only were they red, if you pause the tape and look closely you can see something that you really don't want to see, and also, that the label of his pants said 7-8 years old, and that's pretty small! Soon after that all I could see was Highgate tube station bopping up and down - it looked like the boy hadn't found the stabiliser button yet as he walked to the station - he then took a look around to see if anyone were to follow him there, there wasn't - but then! When he looked forward again Sam Walton appeared on the screen, who said "alright!" Abruptly (the crossfade button didn't seem to have worked), the scene changed to two gorgeous girls and a gorgeous boy sitting at a table outside a pub - one of the girls, who was wearing a very nice Red T-shirt, had multiple pints of beer lined up in front of her. The boy seemingly had forgotten to press pause when he placed the camera on the table, and thus recorded all of the random yet witty conversations that occured. For some reason though the camera was pointing directly at a girl's boobs all that time. "Oh shit!" we heard from the boy before the scene once again suddenly changed, this time to a beatuiful view of London - gorgeous girls all on the top of a hill - shame about the buildings in the background which looked ugly in comparison. Many people there looked very shy and quiet, until a little girl climbed onto her daddy's head and said "Hello Everybody!" to everybody, and they all smiled and waved back at her. The camera then just spent the whole time either wandering about the hill, or getting put onto the floor and filming a wine bottle being picked up - how artistic! Until we then all followed the camera running down a hill and eventually coming to a halt, with a boy in purple trousers shouting "WHERE SHALL WE PUT THE GOAL?" before explaining how he didn't want to get his new glasses smashed. Wow, the next half an hour was pure excitement - 30 minutes of pure soccer action - until we see the same guy in the purple trousers kicking a football really hard, and in a typical You've Been Framed stylee, the ball hurtled right against the lenses of the Camera! Either because of that football incident, or because the boy has once again showed his cinematic flair by putting on a special lens that are known as "Beer Googles", everything looked slightly tilted from then on and the auto-focus function went haywire. We then heard a wise man's voice saying "Let's go to the Betsey Trotwood!" After a beautiful shot of a tube train arriving we filmed a train bobbling up and down through a tunnel - apparently someone else had made a even better film involving a man from Birmingham performing Pole dancing, against a pole on the tube train, but that's a totally different movie. Soon after the film started to turn surreal - it was as if someone was dancing to some great music whilst holding a camera, whilst shouting "COME AND DANCE!" really loud repeatedly and annoyingly. Then, finally, probably, the best moment in the film, an ambient chorus of "Happy Birthday to you" was the only thing that could accompany the exceedingly delightful chocolate cake, on it were five candles and letters that wrote "Sinister Happy 5th Birthday". A boy took a deep breath and managed to blow the candles out, then everyone cheered whilst he was catching his breath. The cake was then stabbed in an evil manner by a knife on a bikechain, before being cut into bits and eaten - how sinister! And then there was a scene of people bopping up and down to some top tunes, and we can hear the boy go "ohhh on more pleeeeease" as the camera turned to the barman who said "Can you make it the last song please?". And "Happy New Year" by Camera Obscura faded into The Boy with the Arab Strap. The last scene of the film was yet another of a tube train this time heading towards Highgate - and seemingly the boy had finally found where the fade out button was.... Reporting Back and Red Bulls Ken +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+