*WARNING ANOTHER BORING POST BY ME ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'M NOT KIDDING THIS TIME. DELETE IF YOU HATE SUCKY RAMBLING THAT IS TOTALLY OFF TOPIC AND NON-RELATED TO ANYTHING AND IS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR ME TO BLATHER ON* what up all sinister bee-otches in da house th't i would check in wit da crew even tho i havent' read the list in a week cos my FRIGGIN MAIL IS DOWN AGAIN what is this like the 17th time this month?? apologies if anyeon tried to mail me. i haven't been able to reply to anyone cos i can't get to the messages i had. if anyone cares you can email me at trollopinpaisley@fcmail.com i think i'm gonna put up a new picture on my page, just for fun until i get the actual new page ready which will probably take forever, i will put up one of my new characters i just drew, the very *sexy* trixycybele, puritans stay away!!! warning, this is a totally non-topical exhibitionist mail, delete if yr squeamish or if you don't like my rambly posts. i just feel like talking to someone so why not a thousand people. well that just proved how egocentric i am. Let me tell you a little update story. Enter a certain Art girl. enter me hanging out periodically with art girl, once getting pissed at art girl, then realizing there was no reason to be pissed and regaining my bearings, thanks in part to the understanding wisdom of CHRISTA my homie. Enter my dyke friend Sam telling art girl i have a crush on her, and art girl saying she knew all a long and she didn't want a 'relationship' rt now but she still thinks i'm really cool and wants to hang out with me. Enter me meeting up with art girl and sam on friday afternoon, being embarrassed, playing "she's losing it' on sam's guitar, then taking the evening to art girls pizza place where some slacker guys promise to give us free pitchers of beer. we chat it up all over the place and get all friendly like, and i drink 2 glasses of beer before i'm like going partially out of my head. fuck. i c an drink a whole bottle of champagne and not get THAT dizzy. i vowed to drink no more that night and i did not. me and art girl start talking about art (what else?) and i think i spilled guts to her about something dumb like how insecure i am, and what a huge romantic clingy person i am. she seems to say that she feels the same way, or some such rubbish. after a while we stumble to the bar down the street. by this time i'm just wanting to fall asleep, or cry, or something. i kept looking over at artgirl and having to look away cos i couldn't stare into her eyes and she kept asking if i was okay. i was slumped over on the table drinking water as fast as i could though a tiny little straw, hopeing it would get rid of the feeling i was feeling, which was abject embarrassment and emotional train-wreck. she was dancing for a couple minutes and looked so fine. we 3 started discussing dancing. sam and i can't dance. someone mentioned slow dancing. in a flash of brilliance, or stupidity, i blurted out that in my present state of mind, i wouldn't be loath to slow dance with someone, which was the truth. i felt like a total moron. Art girl says " i would totally slow dance with you" and then the chick playing guitar started playing a slow song, and sam shoved me off the chair and i followed artgirl to the dance floor where 2 other girls were dancing, they looked awfully straight though, i'm not sure what their deal was, but who cares. art girl took me by the hand and she put her arm around my waist and one on my shoulder and i did the same. she held my hands and danced against me and twirled me and she put her cheek next to mine and she stared me in the eye closer and closer, and i had to keep looking away, because i was so embarrassed i wanted to kiss her so badly and she acted like she wanted to, but i'm not the smartest person about those things, and i had never danced wiht ANYONE in my life. i was scared stiff and could see sam over hte way, rudely watching us and it made me more embarrassed, but she was such a good dancer she made it easy for me, and i held her tighter and grasped her shoulder and she said "you're so cool" and she looked at me like "if we weren't in public i would throw you down and ravage you like a wild tiger". i could have stayed that way forever. at the end of the song she kissed me on the cheek. so softly, and took my hand and we left the dance floor, and i promptly started trembling and i collapsed onto the table and for the rest of the time i just gazed into space like a drugged deer that just got tagged on the ear...except when we went to play the jukebox and i played Abba "waterlloo" but we had to leave before it played and i was bitter about that. i stayed up at sam's whiniing and talking and waiting to get sober, and at about 4 am i drove home listening to Nick Drake (thanks james) and i thought of how gently she kissed me on the cheek, and cried just a little, and spent most of the weekend in a dream state worrying and fretting and wondering what the hell i am going to do, and making her another tape. i'm fucking serious. no one has ever kissed me before in my life, or held my hand even jsut a little tiny bit. i'm going totally insane. it's belle and sebastian all over again. and again. what the hell.......my gramma is banging aroudn downstairs, it's friggin 4-30 in the morning. anyway. i know that was a big lot of nothing and someone will probalby be pissed at me for posting such non-topical garbage, but i guessed i could slip by since i havne't posted anything for like over a week. and i wanted to tell someone(s) about what happened and that i've never wanted so badly in my life for someone to sweep me off my feet.................. i need to listen to francoise hardy, but instead i've been listening to Lida Husik and Gusgus and dead can dance all weekend, except when i made her the tape, i put "Like Dylan in the MOvies" on it because she is real big into bob dylan. i know how ridiculous it is, but i just dont' care. i want something that i shouldn't even bother with, and i want it BAD. it's like potato chips, you can't have just one. it's scary as all hell to have a real life that seems more like a dream. the only time any one ever has held me was in dreams. and i'm OLD. OLD OLD OLD> she's younger than me and been around a million more times. i'll probaby get my heart trashed. i had a dream last night something about B/S acutally, the band was there, it was like a concert. christa was there. stuart M looked way bigger than in real life, he was very tall and had huge muscles and looked like a big oaf. but isobel was cute. i dreamed about restaurants and canaries and fish aquariums and Hello JESSSSSSSSSS are you there, girlfriend HUGS to alyssa marie the sweetie write me ! XO to christa maybe see you in DC BABY xavier, i need to write you, your band sounds fab and everyone else i need to write too, i need to call my ISP tomorrow and get my mails. GRRRRR what does a Welsh accent sound like?? what kind of accent did that girl have on AbFab who played the dippy blonde chick? i loved her accent. i forget her name rt now. sorry / i'm interested by different accents. what is Ramsbottoms? i think i should go now before i just make a bigger ass of myself. as for my sinister friends, i shall communicate with you in the rather near future, if all goes as planned. --Rosa Bonheur (LJ) http://www.members.tripod.com/rebelstrange they were like those gauche youths who turn up to house parties only to cling to the dark corners in chaste disdain, driven by the naive, vaguely inhuman conviction that all merriment is a lie. SAVE MST3K!!!! http://www.mst3kinfo.com +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+