My lovelies: Well, I generally try to limit myself to pestering you once every couple of weeks or so at the most, but I feel compelled to respond to Rachel’s post, so I will. I recently said that I have no nostalgia for childhood, and I don’t. I don’t want you to think, however, that I’m some sort of grown-up. Things are getting better as I’m growing older, but it’s not as if it’s because I’m living more of a serious, adult life. Far from it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I completely agree with everything that Rachel so eloquently said – she makes a compelling argument. I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is hang onto the child-like side of your nature, and really experience the world around you. Part of why things are getting better for me is that I’m allowing myself more time to do exactly the sort of things she’s talking about, and a great many of the resolutions I’m making are to do with allowing myself even more of that. I went to the museum and the zoo the weekend before last with a group of my mates, and had an absolutely fantastic day. Some people I talk to look at me a little strangely when I say that’s what I’ve done with my weekend, but I’m a regular at the zoo, particularly, and it’s always a whale of a time. (Actually, they don’t have whales at the zoo. A hippopotamus of a time, anyone?) Admittedly, we spent much of our time giggling at different sorts of animals having sex (or attempting to have sex) with one another, or doing poos of varying sizes from varying heights, but it’s quite something to spend a free-feeling day with good friends just soaking up the world. Even if you do wind up paying perhaps a little too much attention to the smuttier bits of it. As for being able to fantasise and dream, I’ve being doing plenty of that lately, and it’s had more influence on my recent decision making than any of the many practical concerns involved. It’s rather exhilarating. The people in my life are the most important thing in the world to me, but when I have spare time that’s not based around spending it with them, it’s all about reading and writing and listening and watching, and occasionally also ham-fistedly picking up a guitar or paintbrush. These sorts of pleasures let me know what the world is like, and occasionally let me know what I’m like as well. It’s absolutely key to allow yourself time for a walk through the park, a lap of the art gallery, or just to sit and do a drawing that your mother wouldn’t even be proud of, if she did still take an interest in such things. I think that what Rachel calls the ‘opportunity to be childish’ is exactly what was missing from my childhood, and exactly what I’m only just discovering now. So your nostalgia is completely understood by me, even if I don’t share it. I certainly wasn’t criticising anyone for it, and I hope nobody (including Rachel) thought that I was. I was actually feeling slightly mopey and sorry for myself, which prompted the comment. I guess that’s what a solid bout of navel-gazing will do for you. I don’t want a house and a car just yet, and I don’t want to invite contacts to dinner parties. I like to dress like I did when I was four years old. I have genuine, scruffy friends I can actually tell things to and learn things from, and I’m more than happy to pay rent and walk to work. And every now and again I really do get to notice the colour of a leaf, if I’m not in too much of a hurry to get there. Aunt Sadie keeps telling me that I’m tired, and that I need to get out of the office and into the sunshine. She’s a wise old stick, that one, when she’s not peddling lies and gossip. Or teabagging. /me shudders Now that’s definitely more than enough out of me for the time being – sorry to bother you two days on the trot. I’ll pull my head in for a bit. Stay enhanced with added baking soda and peroxide for extra whiteness. Bulk love, -David. PS: I agree with everything that Rachel said in her post, and thank her for it. You’ve certainly got no cause to hang your head in shame, m’dear. But I was, however, shocked and dismayed at her list of tasty vegetarian sandwiches, when I noticed the glaringly conspicuous absence of my beloved Vegemite. There’s no better sarny, I promise you. If you can’t get Vegemite in your part of the world, please email me your postal address, and I’ll send you a jar. You’ll thank me for it.

From: LilGrape25@aol.com Reply-To: LilGrape25@aol.com To: <sinister@missprint.org> Subject: Sinister: Its high tide again Date: Wed, 06 Feb 2002 09:23:06 EST

Good Morning,

First period free and I'm in the lab posting, trying to avoid the forced company of a particular twit named Reva. Oh, the joys of routine!

David posted to reprimand us all on our consistant and shameful list abuse..and I couldn't tell whether or not I should hang my head in shame. He also said:

"I don^Òt think I share the nostalgia for childhood that seems to be a common theme on this list. There have been ups and downs at every stage, of course, but the overall trajectory of my life is still heading upwards. Things, on the whole, get better every year. I^Òll be unstoppable at one hundred and three."

My nostalgia (though some would consiter me a child, I do not!) is mostly for the opertunity to be childish, something that is discouraged past childhood, but really does not have to be and should not be. Why does a 6 year old have the priviledge of being creative and told everything that they produce is wonderful and beautiful, and not a 15 year old? or a 30 year old? or a 70 year old? Why are children encouraged to imagine, to have fantasies and dreams, while the rest of us are told that we have to be realistic? Children are treated the way all of us should be, that everything they do- accept for things that are mean to others- is worthwhile. They are praised for their basic abilities. They are encouraged to listen and observe the world around them, and are taken to all sorts of interesting places, for the reason that it is part of their world and they should experience it. When was the last time you went to a firestation or a police station or a post office or an aquar! ! ! ium or a museum? when was the last time you really had time to look at leaves or pumpkins or the color of everyone's clothing or number of pockets in everyone's pants. We don't stop benefiting from these experiences once we are able to handle more complicated ideas! I miss the opertunities of childhood, I miss being told that I am wonderful just the way I am, I miss being open minded enough to appreciate what everyone has to offer to the world.

Last night I had my mother's terrible vegetable soup and a fig paste sandwich. It was one of the first truely painful vegetarian meals since I stopped eating meat a few weeks ago. The rest of my family were having turkey and roast beef sandwiches, and I wanted one too. I don't like cheese so there aren't many sandwich options for me any more. I started thinking of yummy sandwiches I could still eat to console myself, and here is my list. Does anyone have anything to add?

peanut butter and/or jelly fig paste lettuce and/or onion and/or tomato bananna with or without chocolate sauce peanut butter and wheat germ mustard roast vegetables

oh dear, out of ideas and out of time! Hope this wasn't list abuse!

I love you all,

Rachel Grapenut

+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+

_________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+