Hi Sinister. Di said:

i don't know why it never occurs to anyone that perhaps i am actually a mean >girl. i kind of am in relationships actually. i try not to be, but i have high >expectations.

Yes. It's the only time when you have no choice but to be selfish. These boys you're talking about have to try harder! When I say try harder, I don't mean putting on a front or trying to be something they're not. I just mean they have to still be the person you liked in the first place. I'm not just talking about boys - it's the same for anyone. My trouble is that I always like boys who are a bit cynical, maybe a bit self-effacing even - you know, not loud-mouthed show-offs who act as if they think they're great. I suppose because people who act like that are usually even more insecure underneath than the rest of us. But there's a fine line between being a bit cynical, not taking the world too seriously, and taking everything far too seriously cos you hate everything. It's not that I think finding the right person (or, you know, *a* right person) is the answer to happiness and stuff. But it would be nice though. I think that whether I ever want to have kids or not might depend on whether I found someone I liked enough. But this is looking way into the future - I'm scaring myself now! And I've been studying genetics too long. PineFox quoted:

The indie scene is interested in precisely the jeopardising or loss of self >through terror or awe, precisely the absolute investment of the self....

Which I suppose is the whole point about good music. But too many songs focus on love for another person as being the all-important thing, and it's not really. Despite what I just said. That's why B&S are so wonderful - they get to that magic, or, okay, loss of self, without that. The songs can be about the shittiest things in life but still be full of beauty and hope and truth. Someone said a while ago that they couldn't think of a B&S song that could go on a crush tape and that's why. The Offbeat night with all the good music was sold out! I thought there'd be about three people there! And I even did wear a badge. Two of my friends had decided not to go anyway cos that boy one of them fancies wasn't going, but Jamie was going to come with me. We just went to the pub instead and when we'd heard Road Rage by Catatonia for the second time we took over the jukebox and put on David Bowie and Nirvana. katy x "I got a Catholic block Do you like to fuck?" - sonic youth +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+