Installment 3 Living in Queensland, our family naturally made a few trips up to the Big Pineapple (Pineapples are one of Queensland's main agricultural resources so there's like this huge fibre glass pineapple at this theme park.) When I was younger. I really loved the big pineapple so Dad painted the words Golden Circle on our corrugated iron water tank and told me it was the Big Tinned Pineapple. It wasn't quite the same. Speaking of mailboxes, have you seen these mailboxes where underneath the mail slot, they have the word "MAIL" printed there? What is that for? Just incase the MAILPERSON (don't you love political correctness?) reads it and says "Oh damn it! I've just spent the whole day folding the letters up into paper airplanes and trying to glide them into open windows. I should have just been putting them in the little slot. Well there goes my whole day! Boy the guys back at the depo are going to have a field day. " My friends and I were laying down looking up at the clouds and I said "Hey, if you squint your eyes, that cloud kind of looks like bird shit coming straight for us." And as it turned out, it was quite lucky that we did squint our eyes. I don't like public speaking very much. To try and overcome your fears they tell you to imagine that the audience isn't wearing any clothes. But I was wondering, what would make me more nervous. The act of public speaking or hundreds of people staring at my erection? Because when it comes to naked women I've got a very fertile imagination. (...Ahh the warm embraces of tastelessness) Our TV isn't working at the moment. The only channel that works is the 24-hour snow report. And according to the broadcast, it's going to be one hell of a skiing season because it hasn't stopped snowing for the last week. And the snow is so strong that they've lost audio transmission. All you can here is static: Kssssshhhhhhh. (Ohh, the hilarity. I'll give you a moment to recover from your unbridled fits of laughter) .........and that oughta do it. I was watching TV and an commercial came on for one of those American lawyer dramas. Just pick any one, they're all the same. And the voiceover went: "A respected lawyer must decide whether to jeopardize her career or let a homicidal killer walk free." There's too much stress associated with those high profile jobs. I think more television dramas should be set in convenience stores. "Tonight Sharon Rogers must decide whether to take her lunch break now or in 15 minutes when her boss gets back from the shops." "Next week in an award winning episode, Sharon must decide whether to sell cigarettes to someone who may be below the legal age. This is must see television! Don't miss it!" Religion is supposed to be about happiness and well-being but have you ever noticed how much cursing is based on religion? Jesus Christ God in Heaven Holy shit Heaven's above Fucking hell Christ almighty For God's sake For heaven's sake God damn it ..Yeah. It sure to a while to compile that list....kind of unrewarding. Anyways, Good luck with that whole "life" thing. From Steven. +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-+ Snipp snapp snut, sa var sagan slut! +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+