i just decided to reemerge from hibernation. fatigue and work have kept me locked away, and then there is the matter of my life slowly going to hell, but i think that is under control for the moment. anyway, i realized this weekend, that a guy might be tall, but that doesn't mean i will like him. he might even love monty python and think belle and sebastian is a fabulous band, but that just isn't enough. i probably would have given him more of a chance if i liked his hair or at least saw potential. i don't know what it is, i think i like shaggy or curly hair on guys. i think the curly has to do with my desire to guarantee that my children have curly hair. i don't know if i could ever help a girl with straight hair. i don't know what to do with it, not that i have brilliant ideas for curly hair, but at least i know what not to do with curly hair. there are of course other qualities that i appear to look for, but the hardest one to define is the non-wussy quality. my personal ad would probably read something like this: "SWF searching for tall, reserved gentleman with a strong handshake. Hair must be shaggy or curly. Well-defined opinions and ability to defend them a must. Preferably unmarried. Must be able to accept that I have a strange fondness for Britney Spears, and unbreakable love for Belle and Sebastian. Cannot be fan of Creed." seems rather demanding, but i am so tired of meeting boys who pose as men and realizing that they just could never get me excited over anything. it's so draining. the worst part of all of this is that someone does exist that fits these standards, he just happens to be married. and with my long standing decision never to break up a marriage, i just have to wait close by for the marriage to self-destruct. what is even worse is that he probably like country-western music and would actually watch the country music awards and be ecstatic that faith hill has invaded american pop. i should be more accepting, i know, but for my sanity, i think i shall maintain the no country music thing. last thing i want is an affair with a married man. that isn't true, but with my morals in hand, i am going to avoid such an affair at all costs. and what does any of this have to do with belle and sebastian, minus the random mentions above? i blame the thing i have for the married man on belle and sebastian. or maybe it is correct to blame pulp, as jarvis keeps singing about infidelity. i wonder if jarvis really believes what he sings. i can imagine him as this tragic figure unable to find love because the world believes him to be someone he is not...but anyway, i am blaming belle and sebastian. i believe that the fact that "this is just a modern rock song" and "slow graffiti" get stuck in my head near the married man means something. i don't know what, but it seems rather cosmic, sort of. what else can i blame it on? i am going to have to lock myself up again in my apartment and crochet for a week to get myself back. crocheting really is the only thing that can completely soothe me. and i love the fact that when you crochet you use a crochet hook, when crochet already means hook, which is why i call it a needle. onward, onward. i must finish two reports before i go back down the hill to my normal place of employment. i like it up here, though. i have a nice sliding glass door which makes me feel better than the solid door in my other office. maybe this office was designed by someone who believed in feng shui. i recently learned from a feng shui website that i am apparently a water person born in a normally earth year, so i guess that makes me water-earth? anyway, if anyone knows what that means, i would really like to know. and on that note i depart and shall try to find solace is music other than belle and sebastian, because they only remind me of what i cannot have in this office. marikka. ===== One woman's 'Titanic' is another woman's 'Love Boat.' __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Photos - Share your holiday photos online! http://photos.yahoo.com/ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+