"A boy can be mad ugly but if he smells good he can still get the filly." In 1998, my brother heard the above from a hairdresser from Queens who worked at the prestigious Von Curtis Salon. I once read an article about Von Curtis after a car had jumped the curve and ran into their building shattering glass and partially entering into their business/school. I remember one dedicated beauty worker being quoted as saying something to the effect of, "We just kept on working. We had dyes and perms to do - you can't let broken glass keep you from things like that." It somehow reminded me of that touching quote from King of the Hill, "You know, at the beauty academy they teach us that people aren't black or white or yellow or red, but their hair can be." Employees of Von Curtis - I tip my trucker hat to you. But - and this is said in my best Sophia impression here - I digress. Since hearing this sagacious piece of wisdom my brother has married, had a child, quit his teaching job to work for a grocery store, and now lives in a two bedroom apartment with an air conditioner with a remote control. What other sign of advance civilization and luxury living then an air conditioner with a remote control? Thus, I would feel remiss if I kept this secret key of insight into female nature to myself. Sadly, I don't have any equal advice on how to make the boys swoon. This is obvious since if I did Kevin Hyde could be quoted as saying, "as she always rock my pants off" rather than just his socks being obliterated. However, I shall dispense my own personal motto of life which I try to center my life around as I find that it help keeps me on the straight and narrow. This personal statement is, naturally, stolen from Oscar Wilde*. It is this: "Life is too short to dance with ugly men." Repeat that one to yourself in the mirror. No truer words were ever spoken. And if that doesn't work for you then just do what I do and follow the wisdom of Morrissey: Word Magazine: Did you hear t.A.T.u.'s version of "How Soon Is Now?" Morrissey: Yes, it was magnificent. Absolutely. Again, I don't know much about them. WM: They are teenage Russian lesbians. Morrissey: Well, aren't we all? Lastly, to those who are happily coupled and who have no need to hear such words I must send out my congratulations. This is specifically going out to Julie Sexpot of a Sauer and Werther David Hewitt who were married at the first of this month. Aw, I remember back in the day when they were just beginning to make eyes at each other from across the sides of the globe. I would be hard pressed to find two people who I like more so the best of luck to both of you. I only wish you didn't live all the way in Australia as I miss visits with Julie tremendously. She once said she'd snog me and now that will never happen. Now, every time I kiss someone I'll just sigh discontentedly and say "*You're* no Sexpot." My life is forever ruined. But congratulations anyway! Well, being the bookshop girl I am I feel as if I've been attacked by a swarm of rabid snitches with all of the Potter madness. There was a midnight party at my own little bookshop where two other sinisters were in attendance: the ever esteemed GayJay and then Eric (of former half bee status) who I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting before. I was distracted by the stress and dread of the looming crowd so I apologize that I wasn't very good company. In fact, they spent most of their time in #sinister even when I was just behind the counter nervously straightening things or staring at my shoes while trying to calm myself down for the impending stampede soon to come upon me. At some point, I realized I should be nice and try one of those "conversation" things I hear everyone always talking about or, for that matter, talking because of but I went with the "socially awkward and silent" card instead. It's a good hand for me. Nevertheless, I'm glad they came and I made them both give me hugs at the end because I don't let cute boys get away from me without one, even if they don't really like girls. I hope I didn't give either of them cooties... Ll *"If, with the literate, I am impelled to make an epigram, I never seek to take the credit; We all assume that Oscar said it" - Dorothy Parker PS - Yes, I meet people when I'm in the mountains of North Carolina but I have no sinister meetups to report back from from my three week cross country roadtrip which I just returned from. (Started in North Carolina all the 2,000 miles to San Diego up the western sea coast to Seattle and then a slow saunter across Montana to South Dakota until I dipped myself so far south I ended up back home). This wasn't from lack of trying though and I'm sorry that I missed SGS, Markelby, and Billzebub - all of who I wanted to see. PPS - I got tickets for the b&s show at prospect park in August. Whoot! _________________________________________________________________ The new MSN 8: smart spam protection and 2 months FREE* http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. 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