1. Find a computer which is not known for blinking off halfway through an e-mail 2. Make sure that you don't have the list's address already printed in the "Send To" column so it won't accidentally send a half baked post 3. Set your timer for 15 minutes 4. Try to figure out a witty coherent introduction for your post 5. Realize that you've just woken up around 4am with this dialogue in your head: Lady 1: I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss. Lady 2: Ah, you're first kiss was in the rain? Lady 1: No it was in the shower. 6. Forget the part about being coherent. 7. Realize this is a flashback from the few months where your sister holed herself up in her room and did nothing but watch reruns of the Golden Girls and Designing Women until all of her conversations reflected this fact and were strained of all extranneous fluff until there was only phrases such as, "I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo!" left. 8. Give up on being witty 9. Realize that though you're so dim that people can hear the ocean when standing near you - surely you're surrounded by others who are clever. 10. Replay all recent dialogues in your head in hopes of gleaming something to steal and use as your own: Dialogue #1 Me: Oh, Amelie is a French movie I want to go see. Evidently, the main character in it reminds people of me. Will: I had a french film which reminded people of me once. I was pretty disappointed to find out it was The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Dialogue #2 Me: I almost got a tattoo on my birthday. Man: Where's your birthday? 11. Forget about being witty altogether 12. Sign on to #Sinister in hopes of being roused to post about something B&S related 13. Find yourself typing things like, "I hate to ruin your knowledge of anatomy, Katrina, but what your brothers have that you don't have IS NOT A TAIL." 14. Forget the part about #Sinister being a muse or a motivator. 15. Push play on the stereo 16. Listen to Bright Eyes sing: "Laura are you still living there - on your estate of sorrow? You used to leave it occasionally Now you don't even bother...." 17. Realize you're in love with the song though you think you like Will Oldham's Laura song ("Disorder") better 18. Wonder if this makes you EMO 19. Shiver with the fear that at any second Sexpot Sauer might come swooping down from the ceiling while accusingly yawping a "FREAKING HIPPY" at you before she tackles you with a kamikazee kung fu kick. 20. Wait 21. Become despondent when nothing happens 22. Realize this is written in third person 23. Remember when your mother lectured you in high school for always referring to yourself as "Laura" instead of referring to yourself in first person. Remember how her voice became particularly lovely with shrillness as she said that you were acting like a Schizophrenic and were driving her crazy? 24. Remember your retort of, "It's not a long trip" 25. Make a personal note that even though she's 30 years older than you that you must remember to have quicker reflexes, especially with ducking. 26. Refocus on the fact you're writing a post to Sinister 27. You bought Belle and Sebastian's new single! Alas, CONTENT! 28. Wait, you haven't listened to it since it's in your car which has broken down yet again due to bad engine mounts. 29. Ponder on the fact that you didn't even know Hubris had mounts - much less that they had been straying onto wicked paths. 30. Wonder if your car gets more action than you 31. Remember that a boy tried to kiss you yesterday at the bookshop while you were putting things away in the supply closet but you turned your head so he only made contact with your hair 32. Strategically plan how you can spend more time at work near the supply closet. 33. Wonder what that boy is doing now 34. Wonder what that noise is 35. Realize your 15 minute timer has gone off 36. Panic that that long has gone by and you haven't thought of a Dorothy Parker quip yet 37. Think of how when Dorothy Parker was your age she spent her weekends wearing nothing but a broad brimmed hat 38. Conclude that Dorothy Parker didn't go on a lot of roadtrips in her day 39. especially not in cars with vinyl seats 40. especially not in the summer 41. Suddenly have a vague memory that you were going to post the deadline to the Sinister Christmas Present Exchange 42. It passed 43. Recall how you were going to respond to Matthew Henderson's query of, "What exactly is a tea towel?" 44. Become disgusted to think of how it has NOTHING to do with a tea but is just a dish cloth 45. Wish once more that socks were part of the Belle and Sebastian line of band related merchandise 46. Look down and realize that you're only wearing one sock and that's why your left foot is cold 47. Wonder where the other sock is 48. Realize it's probably in your bed where you kicked it off in your sleep 49. Wonder why you're not in bed ... with the New Yorker sipping hot chocolate. Or better yet with A New Yorker who works in a bookshop in.. 50. Be reminded of how this is exactly what it was like trying to write a paper in college _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "peculiarly deranged fanbase" +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "frighteningly named Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +-+ "sick posse of f**ked in the head psycho-fans" - NME June 2001 +-+ +-+ Nee, nee mun pish, chan pai dee kwa +-+ +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+