Hammer Time!!! REPORTING BACK It's good to hear the California picnic went well. It's nice to hear Rachel isn't too embarassed to show her Bapps in public. I'm sure it wasn't half as glamorous as the Birmingham picnic last weekend, though... On Sunday afternoon I rode into the Wild West Midlands on the back of my faithful horse, Skoda, with my friend, Poncho. Using Poncho's Apache tracking skills and my mobile phone we met up with Sheriff Ian, Deputy Jim and his sinister posse in a sunny field where some Indians were playing a game Poncho calls "Kri-Ket". Ian laid out a blanket, which he appeared to have stolen from the dog, and we tucked in to our wine and crisps and cherries. Those dang cherries; there were so many. Everyone had had the totally cool no one else will think of this idea of bringing them along. So we sat, chewing the fat and the cherries, while Jim played some funk on his strange automatic banjo, and I tried to spit cherry stones into the grass without losing my cool or my 10 gallon hat. We talked about all sorts of stuff, Ian's eyes welled up with the memory of a girl called Kylie, Dimitra was ambushed by an unsuspected cream attack and Poncho talked about going for a local Indian dish he calls a "Bol-Tee", but in the end we just got a bit drunk and went home. Hi ho Skoda! Well something like that happened, anyway. I was a bit knackered from lack of sleep, but it was fun anyway. For the next one, we'll probably be able to arrange to meet by the cherry orchard, we got through so many. NANCY DREW As I walked to the postbox this morning I heard some strange screams sounding from somewhere over the chimneypots. I don't know what it was. I thought it might have been a baby or an enthusiastic girlfriend or someone who'd found a slug in the washing up bowl, but it might have been a MURDER. If I was Nancy Drew I'd have gone and investigated, and had some crazy adventure, but I figured my toast would have popped up by now so I just went home to eat it. I've been wondering about it all morning. I hope it *wasn't* a murder. TOAST On the subject of toast, the toast fans among you might remember I mentioned a while back an amazing invention I saw on telly once called the Toaster Bag. Well a friend of mine found some for sale at the weekend and bought them for me. I'm quite excited. They've cleverly called them "Toastabags - The amazing way to cook", and the idea is that you can put just about anything you like - beans, scrambled eggs, your brother's hampster - into one, put it in the toaster and when it pops up you have an instant meal IN A BAG! Suggestions on the packet include CHIPS and CHOPS! Wow! Imagine the amazing adventures in cooking I could have! Adventures in food poisoning, more like! I'm going to try beans tonight. I'll tell you how it goes, if I'm still alive... BISH Robs email a while ago about the wedding he went to was quite touching: <<Bollocks to them - they're just idiots. The two people who twirled in each other's arms while various kids chased each other around during the First Dance were the only two people in the world - joyously in love for their families and friends to see. Nothing could possibly be wrong about that.>> Absolutely. Love isn't about men and women, it's about Something Else, and the way you button your shirt really doesn't matter. Hopefully, now we have a new Archbishop of Canterbury, who seems a pretty decent chap, the laws against two people who love each other getting married if they're the same sex will finally be changed. It all sems a bit silly to me. LAVERNE Mmm! I love Lauren Laverne! Hours of Lauren Laverne on the telly have been steadily increasing lately and I noticed in the paper yesterday that she's getting her own music show on Channel 5! Hooray! I've always had a bit of a soft spot for channel 5, the bastard runt baby of ITV that it is, and not just because they show The Ups And Downs Of A Handyman three times a year. I like it because they don't have anything to lose, so they actually TRY new ideas, and I find them endearing when those ideas spectacularly fail. I like the way the programme announcers are really ironical when they have to announce Confessions of a Windowcleaner again, too. So I hope Laurne's show is good. Well how can it possibly not be, with her in it?? Blimey! I should do some work... I haven't even mentioned a certain band, have I? I'm going to try to record the session from the internet tonight, so I'll save that for tomorrow. bye Robin xxx __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? 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