Hi, I've got a bit of a problem on my hands and I need some good advice. I'm into a girl thats been hurt very badly (I stress badly) in pretty much all her serious relationships. Eventhough we both really like each other and have great times together, this obviously weighs heavily on her mind. As a result, she's absolutely terrified to open up to me emotionally or show me any affection in the least, other than the fact that she keeps me around. At first I thought it was a problem with me, but now I realize its the thoughts of the beasts that came before that are still hovering inside her head. They've crushed her self-esteem and I have no idea what to do anymore. My problem is two-fold: #1) we've only really hung out for a month, so we're still very much trying to figure the other person out and what they're all about, and #2) even when we do get a good thing going, her fears kind of put the kabosh on what could be. Its frustrating the living hell out of me because I really, really like this girl but I'm trying to lay low and give her all the time she needs to deal with whatever is on her mind. Its like, I want to show her affection and be there for her, which solves problem #1, but problem #2 stands in the way. I only get short snippets of what she's like emotionally, like when she plays with her cat, and I know that if she opened up to me, everything else would take care of itself (we're already completing each others' sentences). I know someone out there HAS to have gone through something like this and ANY advice on how to approach it and things to keep in mind would be deeply appreciated. I'm so confused as to what would be the best thing to do: show her affection and try to help build her self-esteem? Stay away and give her space? Words? Actions? Both? Neither? For the first time in my life the Smiths make more sense than anything else in the world. Please help! Steve C. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* "Which Paul?" "BLAH!" visit http://callowkids.tripod.com or your crush will hate you forever Call WRNR 103.1 at (410) 269-1031 and request Callow's "Lessons in Shut-eye" or you will have bad luck...forever or something. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the undead Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail sinister@missprint.org. To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to majordomo@missprint.org. WWW: http://www.missprint.org/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "sinsietr is a bit freaky" - stuart david, looper +-+ +-+ "pasty-faced vegan geeks... and we LOST!" - NME April 2000 +-+ +-+ "peculiarly deranged fanbase" "frighteningly named +-+ +-+ Sinister List organisation" - NME May 2000 +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+