I suddenly remembered a tale about an Ex-friend of mine. Once upon a time there was a girl from Essex called Michaela Barrett. She wasn't a very pretty girl but she left the wastelands of Essex and travelled up to the paradise that was Glasgow, where the young and impressionable Michaela was exposed to the harmonies and beauty of Belle and Sebastian, by a stranger who took pity upon the plight of this poor little girl. Now because Michaela was shy she didn't know how to tell the world how she felt about the love of her life, another girl by the name of Tracey Cole...some would say that this illicit homosexual relationship would have blossomed into a strong, poignant and powerful romance, but Michaela didn't know how to express herself. As a defense mechanism Michaela, became what her Scottish friends referred to as a "scunner". A "scunner" is a coniving, manipulative and devious bastard and people would line the streets to shout obscenities at her; F~?K OFF YOU ARROGANT BASTARD and such like. One day young Michaela went off to study at Stirling, which incidentally is full of other ugly and exceedingly unattractive people...so young Michaela was in good company. She could wax lyrical about her fascination with Belle & Sebastian, why she wore terylene pants, why she wanted to become a real man and why she couldn't go to the minister whenever she was feeling sinister. Anyway, to cut to the chase...Michaela left Stirling, went down to the Reading, where she tasted such fruits as she had never tasted before...and once again became an arrogant bastard, gave up her love of the heavenly Tracy Cole and lost the innocence of being in Glasgow. But finally she was home. And the moral of this story is...dont be a wanker! Love you Michaela

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