Dave Wrote: All I rally wantd to say was that going to school and having th bst or worst tim is what maks you into what you ar now, and if your happy with yourslf now (which I am) thn thats all what counts and in som way th tratment that you got at school hlpd turn you into that. I'm not contradicting this - in fact I agree entirely. BUT school is not the only place which makes you who you are. University changed everything for me - I was a bit of an outcast at school, though I made some very good friends in 6th form, when classes were merged so social groups changed completely. School creates a cycle which is sometimes impossible to get out of if it goes wrong, because you see the same poeple every day. There is often no freedom to change your situation, because everything stays the same. So, people rarely change their opinion of you - and it is so easy to bitch about the same person over and over again out of lazy, unimaginative habit. I know I've been there from both sides. I was lucky at Uni - a slow starter, being shy, low self confidence and all that. I went to the bar once in first week, cos I thought i should, and sat alone at a table feeling REALLY stupid til some caring 2nd year bawled over "OY! ARE YOU A FIRST YEAR? Come and meet another!" who happened to be on the same course, and a really nice guy, not into arsing around with conventional social brownie-points. So, it rolled sweetly from there - he is now 3 yrs later one of my best friends. A heart-warming story. Some of my friends have not been so lucky, and it's taken them literally years to meet people they feel comfortable with (usually cos they were made to feel useless at school) Funny, but shy people with low self esteem often end up hanging around together. And having a great time. Thankyou very much. My point is: School can be a twisted place, and give people warped ideas about who they are/ how good they are etc. Though, as Ailsa says, your experiences at school affect your behaviour for years/ forever, they are not by any means the end of the story. Uni made me much more who I am now (um....a student :-)) than school did. I met people who had been very popular, but saw no reason to sneer at those who hadnt, also people who had been given a far harder time at school than I had - no need to tell you who found it easier to make friends. I went with an "oh great, no-one knows me, I can change my personality to something I like" attitude - which I soon realised was unnecessary: people did not have the habitual prejudices that developed through school, and were mainly welcoming and curious about other new people - not curious in an intrusive way, but in a "give you the benefit of the doubt" way - an attitude which has not gone away, even after 3 years. People who were ignored when in first year (I'm thinking of them wot I mentioned before, who are shyer than me) are getting to know people they bloody well ought to have got friendly with years ago - but it just didn't happen. For reasons Ailsa has articulately (as always) articulated. Long post. eeuch. be happy. go to picnics. don't stress. um...I've reread this and cringed, but it's a 3rd attempt,. so... love Janet. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ +---+ Brought to you by the reborn Sinister mailing list +---+ To send to the list mail "sinister@majordomo.net". To unsubscribe send "unsubscribe sinister" or "unsubscribe sinister-digest" to "majordomo@majordomo.net". WWW: http://www.majordomo.net/sinister +-+ "legion of bedroom saddo devotees" "tech-heads and students" +-+ +-+ "the cardie wearing biscuit nibbling belle & sebastian list" +-+ +-+ "jelly-filled danishes" +-+ +----------------------------------------------------------------------+